The Best Daddy Ever!!

I have to admit that I was worried how my heart would handle yet another Christmas without a baby to celebrate with. Fortunately, I did pretty good this year. I think I have come to realize that I am truly blessed and I have so much to be thankful for.

I sat back on Christmas day and reflected on where we are with our journey to become parents and am at peace that it will happen one day.

As I looked through all the pictures I took over the Christmas holiday, these two stood out the MOST.

They made me believe that our time is coming to be parents...

And my husband will be the BEST daddy EVER!!!

One Day Soon...

It has been quite a while since I've posted about our journey to become parents.

We are currently working on getting our Home Study updated...can you believe it's already been an entire year since we had our Home Study approved??? How time flies.

We are also planning to try IVF one more time in March/April, but until then, we are continuing to pray that our desires for a baby will soon be answered.

The holidays are fast approaching and I'm trying my best to keep my chin up and know that good things are coming our way. I remembered that I wrote a post last year, around this same time, hoping for a baby for Christmas. And although that wish wasn't granted, I know my request was heard.

One day...and hopefully one day soon!

2010 Christmas Door Tour...with Linky!

Welcome to the 2010 Christmas Door Tour!!

 I have had so much fun hosting the Door Tour for the past two years and can't wait to see what all of you creative ladies of come up with for this year.

I have to admit that I was struggling with our Christmas decorated door this year. I wanted to do something different and had a hard time finding just the right thing to make our door stand out. I didn't know what exactly I was looking for, but just knew that when I found it, I would know. And boy did I!I finally walked into a store and said out loud...to myself...THIS IS IT!!!

I kept two of the same things that I always use for our door...

  I just love our wreath hanger. I got it years ago at Pier 1 and I think it's just so pretty :)

Because our front door has gold accents, I feel like I need to keep the gold theme each year. I put poinsettias in a gold painted basket again this year, BUT the basket I used this year came from my great-grandfather's funeral. He passed away this year after a LONG and WONDERFUL life of 102 years. So I was excited to be able to have him be a part of our Christmas this year :)

Here is the NEW item that I added to our Christmas decorated door...

Now do you see why I shouted with GLEE when I found this beauty???

I just LOVE how it ties in the gold of the wreath hanger AND the red of the poinsettias. 

Please join in and post the pics of your Christmas inspired front door and share your link with us below.

Merry Christmas!

Craftomaniac
Tools are for Women Too

Working Enthusiastically...

I have been finding it VERY hard this week to get up and get motivated. Not sure if it is because of the weather, it FINALLY feels like winter here in Florida, or if it's just because of the holidays and well...I just don't feel motivated this year.

But I read this devotional today and thought it was share-worthy...

Our society has taught us to define success by a person's job title and financial status. But what does it take for God to have his blessing on your work? To him the motive, method and meaning of your work matters more than the money. That's because you only take your character to heaven, not your career.
If you want your work to be blessed by God, the first thing you must do is start working enthusiastically.


Enthusiasm is not based on how fun your job is or how much it pays; it's based on why you do what you do. In fact, the word enthusiasm comes from the Greek words en theos which mean "in God."
If you want to be enthusiastic about your work, remember these three things:
Your work is a test from God. He is testing you to see how much he can trust you with in eternity. "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much ... But if you have not been trustworthy with someone else's property, who will give you property of your own?" (Luke 16:10-12 NIV).


God is watching what you do, even when no one else is. Even if you have the most boring job in the world, God is watching to see your attitude. "Work hard so God can say to you, 'Well done.' Be a good workman, one who does not need to be ashamed when God examines your work" (2 Timothy 2:15 LB).


Your attitude determines your joy. A lousy job is a lousy job, but it's even worse when you complain about it. "The diligent find freedom in their work; the lazy are oppressed by work" (Proverbs 12:24 MSG). It's all in your attitude.


You can't succeed in life until you change your attitude about the work you are doing right now. Romans 12:11 says, "Never be lazy in your work, but serve the Lord enthusiastically" (NLT). Why? Because God is watching, so serve Him enthusiastically.

I've got a new attitude this morning and plan on working enthusiastically!!!

Being Thankful...

As we approach the holiday season, it always gets harder and harder to realize that we will be spending another Thanksgiving and Christmas without a baby.

I do know our time is coming and that when we are blessed with a baby of our own it will be the BEST holiday season I have EVER experienced.

But right now I have so many other things to be thankful for this holiday season...

I am thankful for a husband who loves me.

I am thankful for a family that supports me in everything I do.

I am thankful for friends that give me a shoulder to cry on.

I am thankful for a job that allows me to make a difference in the lives of children.

I am thankful to have a roof over my head, a pantry full of food, and clothes on my back.

I am thankful for a dog that wags his tail and howls with excitement every time I walk through the door.

I am thankful to live in a country were I am free.

And most importantly, I am thankful to serve an Almighty and Powerful God.

What are you thankful for this holiday season?

Christmas Door Tour...

It's that time again...

The Third Annual Christmas Door Tour!!!

This is when we share our Christmas decorated doors. Please snag the button below and help me spread the word by creating a post about the Christmas Door Tour on your blog. Then come back on December 10th and link up to the Linky and share your Christmas inspired front door.

<br /> <center><a href="http://growingourowngarden.blogspot.com"><img src="http://i491.photobucket.com/albums/rr278/liannap1/ChristmasDoorTour-4.jpg" /></a></center><br /> <br />

Leave a comment letting me know that you've posted about the Christmas Door Tour and you'll be in the running for an adorable Christmas surprise :)

Crying Out...

I recently finished reading Beth Moore's book, Looking Up when  Life is Looking Down. It is a great book that explains how you can get out of the pit that life sometimes makes you feel  like you fell in.

At the end of the book, Beth writes some scripture prayers for you to pray daily and I just wanted to share the prayer entitled, Cry Out.

I call to You, Lord, who are worthy of praise, and I am saved from the enemies. The waves of death swirl about me; the torrents of destruction overwhelm me. The cords of the grave coil around me; the snares of death confront me. In  my distress I call t oYou, Lord; I call out to my God. From Your temple You hear my voice; my cry comes to Your ears (2 Samuel 22:4-7). Oh, my Strength, come quickly to help me (Psalm 22:19). Reach down from on high and take hold of me; draw me out of deep waters. Rescue me from my powerful enemy and from foes who are too strong for  me (Psalm 18:16-17). Bring me out into a spacious place; rescue me, Lord, because You delight in me (Psalm 18:19).

This prayer washed over me this past week...when I was feeling like I couldn't get out of that pit.

Right on Time...

This devotional showed up in my mailbox this morning...and it was RIGHT ON TIME!!!

Anxious for Nothing

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God."~Philippians 4:6

So many people today are living uptight, worried and anxious about the future, filled with frustration and concern. In the natural there may be good reason, but understand, living that way is not God’s best. God doesn’t want us to be filled with anxiety and frustration; He wants us to live in peace. You can find rest in Him knowing that no matter what is happening around you, God Almighty has His hand on you.

The next time you’re tempted to worry or be anxious about something, remember this verse. God invites us to come to Him. In fact, the Bible says He rewards those who diligently seek Him. But notice, we can’t just come to Him any old way. He wants us to come to Him with a heart of gratitude and thanksgiving. Begin by simply saying, “Father in heaven, thank You for the privilege to come before You. Thank You for hearing my prayers.” As you come to Him with an open and humble heart, He will hear you and fill you with His peace and joy to live free from anxiety all the days of your life!

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria Osteen

Strength...

"I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." – Philippians 4:12-13

Wait...

Here are a few verses I am reading, reciting, and believing...

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord!"~Psalm 27:14

"For we have become partakers of Christ if we hold the beginning of our confidence steadfast to the end."~Hebrews 3:14

"Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our sheild."~Psalm 33:20

"My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him."~Psalm 62:5

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint."~Isaiah 40:31

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."~Hebrews 10:23

"I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope."~Psalm 130:5

"The eyes of all look expectantly to You, and You give them their food in due season. You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing."~Psalm 145:15-16

I have this last verse posted in my cabinet door at work so I can read it each and every day...

"For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry."~Habakkuk 2:3

Low of Lows...

I have found myself in the low of all lows today...

I had always hoped to have a baby during the month of July. Both my husband and I have July birthdays and I thought it would be so neat for our child to be born that month too.

Well, my dream will not be coming true this next year. And it is so hard to accept...very hard.

All I feel like doing today is crawling back in bed and just staying there for as long as I can.

Even on today, one of my favorite holidays, it seems unbearable. I have a huge bowl of candy just ready to brighten the faces of the little trick-or-treaters coming to my door. But I honestly don't know if I can deal with seeing all those adorable kids dressed up tonight.

"For His anger is but for a moment, His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."~Psalm 30:5

It's Your Time...

I woke up this morning to the sweetest email from my best friend.

She sent me the lyrics to this song that made her think of me every time she heard it. Here are the lyrics:

You've been faithful, you've been true

And you've done all that you can do

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

You applauded for the rest

Now it's your time to be blessed

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

You've waited for so long

But you held on, and you were strong

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

You encouraged everyone else

When you needed it for yourself

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

You encouraged everyone else

When you needed it for yourself

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

This song is dedicated to all of you who have been working in the vineyard for the Lord for what seems like a lifetime. You have dreamed and you've worked towards things that you've wanted to accomplish for yourself. But somehow your biggest goals always seem to be just out of your reach. But the Lord told me to tell you He knows who you are. Yes, He's seen your work and He's also seen your tears. And He wants you to know that you are not forgotten. He's here to reward you for all your faithfulness. For He said in His word if you will delight yourself in Him, He will give you the desires of your heart. In other words, not only will He give you what you need, but He promised to give you whatever you want. So don't get discouraged. So don't give up. Hang in there and prepare yourself for your blessing. It's your time now.

You have waited for so long.

But you held on, you were strong

And for your faithfulness

Because you hung in there when times got hard

And when it seemed like nobody cared

You kept right on working

You kept right on doing good things

And for your faithfulness

And for your faithfulness, it's your time

He told me to tell you, it's your time!

What an AWESOME way to start my day :)

Prayers for a Friend...

Will you take a minute today and pray for my friend, Tiffany. She is my friend and co-worker and found out on Friday that her cancer has spread to her abdomen.

She has been dealing with cancer for years now and after surgery this August, thought this would be her last battle. Unfortunately, the cancer has spread and is growing.

Tiffany started radiation yesterday and will continue with radiation every day until December 3. Then she will start chemo.

She is SUCH a strong woman, mother, wife, and friend.

Please pray that the Lord will heal her body, strengthen her mind, and lift her spirits.

Taking the Plunge...

I am seriously at my highest weight ever :( And I'm not too happy about it.

With all the fertility treatments and emotional eating that goes along with trying to get pregnant, I have to admit that I have really let my body go.

My clothes do not fit like they used to and I am just not happy with how I look or feel.

So today I am taking the plunge and getting my body (and my mind) back on track.

I am going to the grocery store today and stocking up on all the healthiest foods AND I will start running again today.

I'm looking forward to getting my old body back!!!

Try Again...

I finally got caught up on Giuliana & Bill today. I honestly cried throughout the entire episode...it brought back so many memories of when we tried IVF.

When I heard that Giuliana had 8 eggs retrieved, it was as if I was RIGHT there...that was the same amount of eggs we had too.

I am SO ready to try IVF again!!!

Hallelujah...

I heard Heather Williams' story on the radio yesterday and the reasons why she wrote the song Hallelujah. It is such a powerful story and a beautiful song, I just had to share...

I'm crying out HALLELUJAH too!

Believing...

I have always had a vivid imagination.

As I child, I even had a make-believe friend...his name was Jeffery. I don't remember much about this make-believe friend, but my parents had a personalized book created for me and had Jeffery listed as one of my friends in the book.

As a teenager, I imagined how cool it would be when I got my first car. I can still remember the day I got home, opened the garage, and saw my very first car just waiting for me to get behind the wheel.

As a young adult, I dreamed of a fairy tale wedding. I envisioned the dress, the flowers, the cake, my groom...every thing would be picture perfect. To this day, my wedding day was one of the BEST days of my life.

Now that I am older, I imagine my life as a  mother. What seems different about this dream is that I have a hard time really seeing a picture of what our lives will be like with a baby...how it will feel,  what our baby will look like, the smell of our baby's skin, the feel of his/her little feet.

Sometimes it scares me that I can't see this image...

But in my heart I know that "we live by faith, not by sight."~2 Corinthians 5:7  And that is what keeps me believing...

Stirring Up Your Dreams...

I read this devotional this morning and had to share it with all of you. It has reminded me that I need to stir up my dreams of becoming a mother...


“Therefore I remind you to stir up the gift of God which is in you...”~ Timothy 1:6

The Scripture tells us that without vision, people perish. If you don’t have a dream or vision for your life, you’re not really going to reach your fullest potential. Maybe at one time you had a dream, but you went through some disappointments or setbacks. Things didn’t turn out the way you planned. But here’s a key: when one dream dies, dream another dream. Just because it didn’t work out the way you had it planned doesn’t mean that God doesn’t have another plan. You cannot allow one disappointment or even a series of disappointments to convince you that your dream is over. It’s time to dig your heals in and hold on to the promises in your heart. Stir up those God-given dreams today and watch Him pour out His favor and blessing upon you and fulfill every desire in your heart!

My dream isn't over!!!! He WILL fulfill every  desire in my heart!!!

His Light Shines On...

I took this pic when we went out on a boat ride last week. I think it speaks volumes...

Although my life might seem like it's crumbling before me, His light shines on!!!

I've Failed...

After what seems like pregnancy test number 1,328,342....I've failed.


Still the answer is no.


Lord, please give me the strength to continue on. Give me the determination to look forward to next month. And please Lord, remind me that You never would have placed this desire in my heart if You weren't going to fulfill it..

Diet and Exercise...

This is one of those "being real" blog posts.

I am SO in need of a good diet and exercise plan. I weigh more today than I have EVER weighed and I am just plain miserable about it. None of my clothes fit and after looking at some pictures of me recently, I know I need to get on the ball and do something about it. I could use to lose about 10-15 pounds. It's not a lot, but seems to be the hardest to lose.

I was curious as to what diet and exercise plans you've tried that REALLY work. My doctor recommended that I not do a lot of strenuous exercising...he conducted a study that proved strenuous exercising was a factor in infertility in women. So I really want to try this out and see if we benefit from what he recommends.

But I would LOVE to hear your recommendations. The diet that really helped me the most was the South Beach Diet...so I'm leaning towards getting back on that one. I've been doing a lot of fast walking and light weights, but I think my diet is the key to getting rid of these pounds.

I think that getting myself back in shape and just plain feeling good, will go a long way in our journey to becoming parents.

What diet and exercise plan have you been successful with?

His Tears...

I had an interesting conversation with a co-worker last week.

He shared with me that he and his wife had been trying to have a baby for the past three years. But what really moved me the most about our conversation was how emotional he became when sharing their story.

Although I know that infertility affects  a couple, it is so easy to forget that our husbands are hurting just as much as we are.

As a little girl, I grew up believing that my dad was the strongest man ever. I can still recall the first time I ever saw him cry...it was right after I received the news of being honored as the top officer on my dance team in high school. He was so overwhelmed with pride that he shed tears of joy because of his daughter's accomplishments.

About 14 years later, I met my husband. After learning about his childhood, how he lost his father in a helicopter accident at the age of only 1 year old and that he lost one of the most influential people in his life to cancer, his grandfather, I couldn't think of anything more heartbreaking. I truly believed nothing else in this world could ever cause him to cry after all his experiences. But on September 17, 2005 I saw him cry for the first time. He was shedding tears of joy because he was watching his wife walk down the aisle.

All these memories rushed through my mind as I sat with my co-worker and watched him shed tears of frustration and helplessness as he shared their story of infertility. It made me realize that I'm not the only one that is hurting here.

This conversation also made me hopeful...hopeful for the day that two of the most important men in my life shed tears of joy at the news that we will be parents.

I'm Not Alone...

I have had so many sweet comments on this blog since we've started our journey to parenthood. Even though infertility can make you feel all alone, there are so many women (and men) experiencing this frustrating journey.

I thought I would spotlight some of the comments left on my blog and ask you to pray for those with the desire to be parents...

“I just turned 40 and I'm losing hope by the hour. I'm officially defective.”

 

“I keep clinging to the hope that we have all the necessary "parts" to have a baby and God can make anything happen. Let's hope He does!”

 

“If these attempts we have paid for do not work, we literally have no more money- for adoption for surrogacy for anything.”

 

“My husband and I went through infertility and we were never able to get any real answers.”

 

“Sometimes I just want to quit this journey, but it is impossible.”

 

“I know you probably thought that you would be holding a baby by now. I thought the same thing last year but ended up losing another baby.”

 

“We've been trying for a little over 2 years now for babies, and it just has not happened yet.”

 

“I don't go one day without thinking that I'm never going to have a child & Mother's Day is just especially painful.”

 

“It's hard to believe that another year has come and gone.”

Lord, I pray that you hear the cries of these women longing to be mothers. Please grant them the desires of their hearts, open their womb, and bless them with the miracle they have been waiting for.

ONE STRONG WOMAN!!!

After four years of trying to have a baby, I have learned that some people just don't understand. I honestly don't think people "try" to be hurtful with the words they say, I just think they haven't experienced the pain, frustration, anxiety, and helplessness that comes along with infertility, so they don't realize how damaging their comments can be.

Nonetheless, it still hurts when you hear things like...

"So what are you guys waiting on??? You should get pregnant now."

"I will be MORE than happy to carry a baby for you. Just tell me when you're ready."

"I'll be so glad when you guys finally have kids. I can't wait for our kids to play together, go to school together, and grow up together."

I've gotten really good at biting my tongue when I hear things like the comments listed above...because again, I think these comments were said to try and help me, not hurt me. I am a fast learner, but learning how to not be so sensitive is taking me awhile :)

Until our prayers are answered, I'm going to continue believing that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Which definitely makes me ONE STRONG WOMAN!!!

Square One...

I had my follow-up appointment yesterday for my laproscopy surgery. Unfortunately, it didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. I'm not sure what I expected, I already knew what the doctor was going to tell me. I guess I was hoping for a miracle diagnosis.

My doctor felt as if the endometriosis played a huge part in our inability to get pregnant. But instead of telling me that he thought we should continue to try for a while and see what happens. My doctor was very honest with me and said..."If you were 27 years old, I would recommend you try for several months on your own and see what happens. But because you are 37 years old and time is NOT on your side, I recommend you and your husband try IVF."

Not the words I wanted to hear...

Believe me, I am willing to try ANYTHING at this point to become a mother. But we've done IVF...TWICE. The cost of an IVF procedure and the medicaitons are ridiculous and we are literally STILL trying to pay off our debt from our first two attempts. Not to mention that giving yourself shots with the LONGEST needles ever, is not my idea of fun. BUT, it is what it is.

So here we are, almost five years later, and starting back at square one.

Lord, give us the strength to finish this journey. Help us to make it to the top of this mountain we have been climbing for years and remind us that You are the one we should turn our focus to.

One of These Days...

One of these days...

Wounds Heal...

It has been over a WEEK since I've posted on this blog....which is definitely NOT my normal :) School started and it's been a busy week (for a lack of better words)!!!

Monday is my last follow-up appointment with my doctor and I am REALLY looking forward to hearing what he has to say. I am curious as to what he thinks our next steps should be.

I am proud to announce that my four wounds from my surgery are healing nicely. I am hoping after a few more weeks (and the use of Mederma twice a day) you won't even be able to see the scars. Fingers CROSSED :)

My heart still longs for a baby...every week, every day, every minute that passes by. But just like the wounds from my surgery, I will be healed. I believe it!!

Nothing Confirmed, But Hopeful...

I can't thank you all enough for all the prayes and words of encouragement this past week. I honestly do not think I could have made it without them...I KNOW I couldn't have made it without them.

This surgery was so TOUGH on me physically and emotionally...more so than I ever imagined. Although my surgery was on Tuesday, I didn't feel back to normal until Monday...almost a week later. My abdomen was sore, I didn't have an appetite because of the nausea, and I just couldn't do ANYTHING!! I'm not sure which one of those three were worse. But having a combination of all three nearly did me in!!

I had my wound check appointment this morning and I think it went well. The reason I wrote think is because I still haven't talked or met with my doctor since my surgery. Because my husband was confused about the explanation the doctor gave him after my surgery about my fallopian tubes, I decided to call myself to get the feedback/results. A nurse called me back the following day and told me that she didn't see any problems in the notes that our doctor wrote after my surgery. I was elated!! Today, because it was only a wound check and because our doctor was in surgery, I met with a nurse. I asked her if she could look through my chart and let me know what the doctor did to my fallopian tubes and if she could explain what happened during my surgery. She explained to me that it looked as if I had two cysts on the OUTSIDE of my fallopians...one on each side. The doctor removed him and he did NOT note that this should be a concern. She also told me that the fibrial, the fringelike part  at the opening of the fallopian tubes, was repaired. I did some more research when I got home and discovered that the fibrials are what help to push the eggs along on their journey to the uterus. The more I read the more I was convinced that this problem has had nothing to do with our inablity to get pregnant yet. My menstrual cycle is on the TIGHTEST schedule...I know exactly what day I ovulate and I know the exact date for my period...to be honest, I am SO consistent that it's almost scary sometimes!! If my fibrials were causing the infertility problems, I don't think I would be ovulating, much less be on a regular monthly cycle.

BUT...like I said before, I still haven't spoken with the doctor yet.

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for August 30 and during this appointment  the doctor will talk to me, in depth, about how my surgery went, what the pathology results are of my endometriosis, and what he recommends our next step should be.

Although none of these diagnoses have been confirmed by my doctor, I felt GREAT about my appointment today. I just have a peace about the surgery, confidence in our new doctor, and truly believe that our journey to becoming parents will finally become a reality.

So in a nutshell, nothing has been confirmed, but I am hopeful that soon, VERY soon, we will be parents.

It's Been One of Those Days...

Today was just one of those days. Let me explain...

The hubby left at around 8:00 a.m. to play golf with some friends. I promptly get up, take a shower, straighten the house, and make a list of errands to run. My errands consist of : Michael's, Home Depot, school, Mary Kay delivery, and school clothes shopping.

I am responsible for the kick-off presentation to our teachers for Preplanning and wanted to make sure our meeting room looked nice for the teachers' first day back to school. We have a red theme this year and I decided to stop by Michael's and get a variety of red themed scrapbooking paper to use for centerpieces. I also picked up red and white chinese take-out containers to use as holders for little plants on each table.

I was probably in Michael's all of 15 minutes when I realized there had been a downpour while I was shopping...which, in Florida, that means the temperature just shot up another 10 degrees and the humidity was unbearable!

I then head to Home Depot to pick up some $.99 plants to finish off my centerpieces. As I am walking in the parking lot, I slip on the wet pavement, and almost fell to the ground. Luckily, I didn't fall, but what I did do, was use my stomach muscles to catch myself...NOT good. On top of that, I stubbed my toe and broke my toenail. I feel the tears start to well-up, but I pull myself together, get the plants and start driving to my school.

I get to my school and made three trips from the car to the media center to unload all my supplies. By this time, I'm soaking wet with sweat and started to ask myself..."Self, why did you even bother taking a shower today?" Once inside, I realize the AC is NOT on at all!! Of course the AC is not on, the school district is trying to save every single penny it can, so they turn off the AC over the weekends.

So I proceed to set up my decorations...mind you, as FAST as I can so I can get back into my car WITH AC. After setting up about 12 tables, I realize that I don't have enough materials for all 17 tables!! Frustration is REALLY setting in at this point. I make do with what I have, pack up my things, and get back in my COOL car.

I poceed with my next errand, which is to stop by my church to drop off some Mary Kay that a friend purchased. Our church is located down a LONG road...a little bit out of the way. I pull my car up in the circle drive, walk up to the front door, and realize the doors are locked. Locked? Since when are our church doors locked??? I decided I'll just deliver the Mary Kay tomorrow, at church, instead.

I get back in the car and plan to get a few outfits for the new school year. I take one look in the mirror and literally LAUGH out loud at the site I see. My hair is dripping wet with sweat...so bad so, that I have little ringlets of hair dangling all around my face, pulled taut with a bead of sweat on the verge of dropping. Shopping??? NOT!!!

I turn my car around and head back home!

I stop and get the mail on my way in the house...I grumble at the realization that the hubby hasn't gotten the mail ALL week, by the looks of how full our mailbox was. I walk into the house and start thumbing through the mail. We have two large envelopes with The Knights written across the front so, of course, I open those first.

TWO birth announcements.

I hit rock bottom.

The hubby called me just at that moment to let me know that he and his friends were rained out at golf today and were headed to our house to go for a swim. I lost it even MORE...if that's possible.

The tears were falling, the head was pounding, and all I could think about was getting BACK in bed for the rest of the day.

Of course, right after I ate an ENTIRE Hershey's bar!

Shopping AND a pedicure are on my list of errands for tomorrow.

It's been one of those days :(

Checking In...

Today is day four of my recovery and I'm hanging in there. My days consist of:

1.  Irregular sleeping patterns...the pain meds have me off schedule. I wake up at 2:00 a.m. in pain, take some medication, and then can't go back to sleep until 5:00 a.m. NOT GOOD :( Especially since school starts in three days!!

2.  Nausea...I haven't really felt like eating much because I am so nauseous. I have eaten yogurt in the morning, cheese and crackers for lunch, and soup for dinner. I'm so ready for my appetite to pick back up.

3.  BOREDOM...I have played every game known to man on my computer these past four days. My farm on Farmville is exploding with all kinds of crops and farm animals...I can't believe I just admitted to that!!!

4.  My DVR...when I'm not sleeping or playing games on the computer, I'm trying to catch up on all my DVRed shows.

Just checking in, although it's pretty uneventful, huh???

Where Two or Three are Gathered...

Although my surgery was scheduled for 11:00 a.m. yesterday, it ended up not beginning until 11:30 a.m. With the bowel prep I had the previous day (which means a liquid diet and NO food or water after midnight), it was a LONG waiting period for me.

I have to admit though that it wasn't that bad, especially when you have an ADD, impatient, and rather funny husband. David kept me entertained in the waiting room by taking blackmail pictures of me in my shower cap, reading my chart and pretending like he knew what it all meant, and CONSTANTLY peeking through the privacy curtain every time he heard our doctor's voice :) Although my hubby can be a handful sometimes, I appreciate his sense of humor and ability to always make me laugh!

All in all, the surgery took approximately 2 hours. A little longer than we expected. The doctor DID find a little bit of endometriosis and luckily was able to remove it ALL...thank the LORD! But while inside he discovered a few other things as well.

I was diagnosed by our FIRST doctor in 2006 as having a septate uterus...it's where your uterus is shaped like a heart, which can possibly result in a miscarriage when we do get pregnant. Unfortunately, our SECOND doctor conducted a water test on me and said that I DIDN'T have it. So we never did anything about it. When Dr. Fox, our current doctor, went in yesterday, he confirmed that I DID in fact have a septate uterus, so he corrected that while he was inside. He also discovered a malfunction with my fallopian tubes. Unfortunately, David didn't quite understand what Dr. Fox explained to him about my fallopian tubes (and I was still heavily medicated when he came in to explain the results) so I have already put in a call to his office for him to call me today and give me the specifics.

The bottom line is that because of my age and this problem with the tubes, Dr. Fox thinks we still need IVF if we plan to ever get pregnant on our own. Although I am a little disappointed by this diagnosis, I am confident that this surgery was the right move for us and believe that God can do the IMPOSSIBLE. Regardless, we WILL be parents one day...whether we are blessed with a biological baby or adopt a baby, we WILL experience the joys of parenthood.

I was extremely sick after the surgery and experienced the WORST nausea EVER. I got sick a few times at the hospital and even after getting home and sleeping a little of the anesthesia off, I still couldn't get up and walk around without feeling sick. I took some medication for the nausea and felt better around 9:30 p.m. and FINALLY had a bowl of soup and crackers...chicken noodle NEVER tasted so good :)

I have four tiny incisions on my belly...two on my left side, one on the right, and one on my bellybutton. The doctors used glue instead of stitches and I am expected to heal without any major scarring. I am EXTREMELY sore and am having a hard time rolling out of the bed to get up. The doctor gave me some pain medication and I am SO thankful for that!

As you can see I am writing this post at a VERY early hour...mainly because I woke up with pain at 2:30 this morning :(

I plan to do a lot of resting and let my hubby and my mother-in-love take care of me. I am so thankful that Dr. Fox was able to do this surgery before our teachers come back on Monday for preplanning. Although I have a TON of work to do to prepare for Monday, there isn't much I can't do from my laptop in my bed :)

Unfortunately, my hubby has to work today, so I asked my mother-in-love to come over and stay with me. She already made me promise her that if I wake up early today I wouldn't go out in the yard and start pulling weeds...HA! I do love gardening :) But, believe me, the pain is so severe, that this girl is not moving an INCH today!!!

Thank you so much for ALL the prayers and encouragement. I truly believe that "if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven, for where two or three come together in My name, there am I with them."~Matthew 18:19-20

Please continue to lift David and I up with prayers.  We are blessed to have SO many caring family and friends and could never go through this experience without being showered with all the love.

I will post again soon after I talk to the doctor today and get more details on my fallopian tubes.

Have a blessed day...I am already feeling blessed BEYOND measure!!!!

Due Season...

I am having my laproscopy surgery today and couldn't be happier!!

We've been through so many seasons in this journey to grow our own garden....we've had plowing seasons, planting seasons, and watering seasons. Although it's been a long, hard path, without all the seasons, we wouldn't be prepared. I understand now that He was preparing us for the beatiful garden that He has in store for our future.

God promises that our due season of harvest is coming and we are looking forward to seeing every dream and every desire fulfilled.

"I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase and the trees of the field yield their fruit."~Leviticus 26:4

Please keep us in your prayers, as well as the doctors that will be performing my surgery.

I'll update my blog after my surgery this week :)

Answers...

I had my pre-op appointment today which basically means that I did a lot of signing papers. I did have the opportunity to sit down with my doctor and ask a few questions about the surgery. To be honest, I didn't really have any questions. I told him that AFTER the surgery I would have a TON of questions.

My doctor asked why I didn't have anything to ask now. I shared with him that I still wasn't convinced that I had Endometreosis. And to my surprise, he said that he was 99.9% positive he would find Endometreosis when he performed the surgery.

I just sat there in amazement! This was the FIRST time in our journey to have a baby that someone told me they were sure this was the answer. Don't get me wrong, he didn't assure me that we would get pregnant after the surgery. But he did tell me that our first step to having a baby is to remove as much of the Endometreosis as possible.

I like the sound of this...ANSWERS!

Come on August 10....I'm ready!

Let it Be...

I have NEVER wanted to have a disease.

Who would???

But the closer and closer I get to my upcoming surgery, the more I hope that I actually DO have endometreosis. It's hard to believe that after 4 long years a doctor has finally discovered the reason for our infertility. How did all of our other doctors miss something so important?

Of course we will not know if I have endometreosis until the doctor actually goes inside for the laproscopy, but I must admit that I'm praying to the Lord to let it be...let this be the start of David and I beginning our family.

A Plug...

I am sure most of you have seen CSN Stores plastered all over the blogging community lately. Well, they are a great company that has more than 200 stores to shop from. They also offer great opportunities for giveaways and reviews!!

I have had the privilege of doing TWO giveaways with CSN stores and they have been fabulous to work with. If you haven't checked out their site, it's a MUST!!

They offer a wide range of products from coffee makers to hand bags or from dining room furniture to outdoor lanterns!!!

So get on the bandwagon and check out CSN Stores :)

A Lifetime of Blessings...

Each morning I do my best to post a verse on my Twitter account and use that verse as something to reflect on that day. This morning, this is the verse I chose:

"Don't be misled—you cannot mock the justice of God. You will always harvest what you plant."~Galatians 6:7 NLT

I really started to reflect this morning on the seeds that I am sowing. Do I pray enough? Do I encourage enough? Do I have hope? Do I love enough? Because these are the things that I will reap in the future. 

Or am I sowing seeds of judgment, anger, bitterness? If so, I will reap a bad harvest.

It is so easy to have those negative feelings when I feel as if EVERYTHING is going against me...my job, our journey to become parents, our finances, etc. So I'm committing myself today to plant seeds of happiness, thoughtfulness, and love because I intend to harvest a lifetime of blessings.

Money DOES Grow on Trees...

I can't honestly say I really believe money grows on trees...but I do believe God answers prayers. I wrote in my last post that my Endometreosis surgery was going to cost $1350 AFTER my insurance coverage. Hearing that news, just really put me in a place of frustration...I kept thinking, why can SO many women get pregnant so easily (and on accident) and I have to pay a fortune just to try and get pregnant?!?!

Well, the Lord heard our prayers and answered them in ABUNDANCE. Not only do we have the money to pay for our surgery, but if the hubby's business continues to prosper as much as it has this past week, we'll be able to put some money into savings for future procedures or for an adoption.

Thank you for your prayers and encouragement this past week...He does answer prayers.

Money Tree...

The hubby and I are packing tonight and getting ready to leave for Destin tomorrow. I have been looking forward to this trip for months now and I can't believe it's finally here!!!

Every time we have something positive to look forward to though, it seems as if the devil tries to steal our joy.

Every Single Time!!!

I received an estimate for my upcoming surgery in the mail yesterday and just remembered that I hadn't opened it. Well, when I finally opened it tonight, I nearly hit the floor...

It's going to cost $1350.00 for the surgery to remove my endometreosis!!!

My parents always told me "money doesn't grow on trees" but I'm praying God plants a money tree in our backyard while we are on vacation and that it's in full bloom by the time we get home.

I know He can move mountains, so please pray that He helps us move this one.

Great Motivation...

Yesterday, a co-worker shared with me a FABULOUS story about a women who had endometriosis.

My co-worker is pregnant (and due any day now) and her OB, the wife of my RE, walked into her appointment with the biggest smile. My co-worker asked her why she was so happy and she told her that she had just heard some great news about one of her patients. The OB said she had a patient that came to her for a second opinion. The patient was 40 years old, had experienced infertility for years, and because of her painful menstrual cycles, her doctor was recommending she get a hysterectomy. The OB recommended she see her husband, my RE, for her second opinion. My RE diagnosed her with endometriosis and conducted the surgery to remove it.

ONE MONTH LATER...the woman is pregnant!!! She got pregnant on her OWN, without any fertility treatments.

PRAISE the LORD!!!

This is GREAT motivation for me...Now I'm counting down the days until my surgery!!!

It's a Date...

If you read my last post HERE, you know that I was diagnosed with endometreosis at the beginning of the week. I am ready to have the surgery NOW and was disappointed to find out that our doctor is 3-4 weeks behind. I called on Tuesday to schedule my appointment and got even more frustrated when I found out the first available appointment was the FIRST WEEK OF SCHOOL!!! Because I am an assistant principal, this was NOT going to work. The next availability was the second week of school. Although this is NOT the ideal situation, I went ahead and scheduled the appointment.

To my surprise, I got a call from the doctor's office on  Wednesday letting me know that they have an opening for August 10th...the week BEFORE teachers  come back to school. I was so thrilled!!!!

I am SO ready to have this procedure because it takes me one more step closer to having our family.

IT'S A DATE!!!!

The Valley...

I had my follow up doctor's appointment yesterday for our Clomid Challenge and walked away feeling like I've hit rock bottom.

My doctor has discovered that I have endometreosis and wants me to have surgery before trying IVF again.

We aren't sure how severe the endometreosis is at this time, but will know more once he is able to go inside for the surgery. He does want to be aggressive and do his best at getting it ALL out, which I think is a good idea. The surgery will be scheduled in about 3-4 weeks. 

After the crazy week I've had...with one let-down after another, I'm literally SHOCKED that I'm still standing and able to even type this post.

I thought I had been in some pretty low places, but this valley I've found myself in has caused me to dig my heels in and finally start my journey to the TOP!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."~ Romans 8:26

Getting Over the Hump...

I had one of the worst days in a long time this past week. I literally got in my car on Thursday and cried all the way home.

I felt so defeated, worn out, and literally hit rock bottom.

I shared my feelings with several family and friends and just as I expected, they lifted me up, prayed for me, and sent me advice and verses to encourage me.

This morning is the start of a new week, so I thought I would kick start it with this verse I read on Kelly's blog this today...

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer."~ Psalm 4:1

He WILL help me get through this time and He WILL take me to greater places!!

Abraham and Sarah...

As we begin our two week wait this cycle, I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah. For that matter, my hubby and I are FEELING like Abraham and Sarah as each year passes by. Here is their story...

In Genesis, God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would give birth to a son and that all the generations of the earth would be blessed through him. In the natural, this looked impossible because Sarah was ninety and Abraham was older than that! But they began to meditate on God and consider what He could do beyond the limits of the possible. Their faith opened the door for God to bring to pass what He had promised in their lives. When they considered God, He strengthened their mortal bodies so that they could conceive a child way beyond child-bearing years.

I've come to the realization that this is out of our hands. Our situation looks impossible, but I know that He can take impossibility and turn it into possibility. I've witnessed so many friends and family members receive gifts of impossibility with faith and confidence in the All powerful.

I am believing that our faithfulness and prayers will be rewarded, just like Abraham and Sarah.

6/19/10...

Today is THAT day.

The day that I posted this sticky note in my medicine cabinet TWO years ago.

I made a post about it last year, 6/19/09, HERE.

Although it has been another year of heartaches, disappointments, and waiting...This year, I am continuing to  pray that the Lord reveals the greatest of ALL plans to make me a  mother.

My Guardian Angel Mother...

God puts people in our path for a reason...sometimes for empathy, sometimes for hope, sometimes for love, and sometimes to remind us to be grateful.


I have had the privilege of meeting someone that I truly believe  is my Guardian Angel Mother (like my mom calls her) .

My secretary, Mrs. Edwards, is a special lady and I honestly do not know how I would deal with my job, our journey to become parents, or my life, without her guidance, love, and advice.

I recently received this email that another teacher in our district wrote about my secretary and thought it was a great example of how special Mrs. Edwards truly is...

I wanted to write you a note about one of your employees, Judy Edwards. I had the opportunity to meet Mrs. Edwards Tuesday afternoon. I was parked across from her home, and some students were unloading some items from my car into a home across from hers and they broke a glass that fell from my car. She immediately came over and offered me a trash bag to store the broken glass in.


As I went back over to thank her and introduced myself, I explained my purpose for being in her neighborhood. One of our graduating seniors, Jeffrey Williams, lost his mother suddenly a week ago Saturday. I explained the situation to Mrs. Edwards, and she expressed immediate concern for Jeffrey, whom she met before, but the families were not close. This is not a situation where neighbors exchange recipes, as Jeffrey's mom was standoffish and frequently gone.

At any rate, we exchanged information, phone numbers and email, and I asked her to keep an eye out for Jeffrey until after graduation when further future arrangements could be sorted out.

Her first concern, once she was satisfied about his well-being, was about his graduation. I explained that my principal had immediately taken care of the details on our end, providing a cap and gown and other essentials. Mrs. Edwards asked if anyone was doing anything else for him. As our school is a tight-knit school, he has some friends and teachers looking out for him during this difficult time, but his extended biological family is not organizing a graduation celebration, and it is unknown if they will even attend.


Mrs. Edwards went into her kitchen and retrieved a graduation card she had set aside, hoping to use it for the right individual. She put cash in it, and walked with me back across the street to personally deliver her condolences and her gift.


It is the only graduation gift of a formal nature this young man received. It was thoughtful, genuine, and she was warm beyond measure, explaining to Jeffrey not to hesitate to call on her at any hour. His warm hug in surprise and thankfulness was touching and a real moment of human connectivity.


We expect teachers and staff at our own home schools to look out for our kids, and we do a great job of it. But for a woman who was virtually a stranger to Jeffrey to step up, and go above and beyond in his moment of need, and deliver that gesture with extraordinary kindness and sincerity, was worth writing you about.

This letter just confirmed what I already knew...Mrs. Edwards is such a wonderful person and friend.

We were together this weekend for a surprise party for one of our co-workers and in conversation she mentioned to me that she had picked up dinner for family and realized that she had a lot left over. Without hesitation, she picked up the phone and called Jeffery to see if he would like dinner and brought it over to him.

I am so blessed and thankful that God placed this special woman in my life. Although I am MILES away from my own mom, Mrs. Edwards is definitely my Guardian Angel Mother...and I don't mind sharing her with Jeffery too.

The Fertility 15...

I have always been petite.

 I remember that my exact weight when I graduated was 110 pounds. That number was etched into memory because I auditioned for the dance team in junior college and we had a strict weight limit. Our dance director measured our weight, height, and body fat and gave us a specific weight-range that we needed to be to perform. I had heard of the dreaded Freshman 15 but thought it would NEVER happen to me.  Well, believe it or not, I did gain several pounds after graduating high school and recall having to lose those pounds before our dance team's first performance and it was TOUGH! But I did lose that Freshman 15 and was able to perform at all the games during college.

It has been almost 20 years since I graduated high school (which is very scary) and I do NOT weigh 110 pounds. I would say that I am a pretty healthy person...I am active, not as much as I'd like to be...and we eat pretty healthy, again, not as much as I'd like to. But the main cause of my weight fluctuation is the Fertility 15. The weight gain that accompanies fertility medications is seriously unbelievable. Especially for someone that is already petite...there is NO way of hiding these extra  pounds.

I will be so glad when all the medications and procedures are over so I can work on getting rid of the Fertility 15 and get my body back!!!

Dear Clomid...

Dear Clomid,

How I dislike you. Let me count the ways...

1.  You cause me to have hot flashes.
2.  You make me feel bloated.
3.  You cause my mood to swing back and forth and back and forth. My poor husband :(
4.  You cause me to have headaches each afternoon.

I dislike all your side effects, but I'm praying you bring me a miracle!

Sincerely,
Lianna

Give all Your Worries to God...

1 Peter 5:7 says we should tell God everything that we are worried and concerned about so the weights can be lifted off our shoulders. He loves and cares about us and doesn't want us to be burdened down with issues and troubles.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." ~1 Peter 5:7

It's similar to the scenario of seeing a close friend or relative walking around with a heavy bookbag on their back. You notice that the bookbag is too heavy for them because they are slouched over and walking slowly. The pain, agony, and sweat dripping from their face indicates that the load on their back is too much for them to carry. So instead of standing by and watching them suffer, you run over and offer to take the bookbag off their back. But the person replies, "No, that's okay. I got it. Thanks." Since you don't want to be pushy, you allow them to keep carrying the heavy load, but continue to walk beside them hoping that eventually they will accept the help you are offering.

That's the same way that God is with us. He is right there offering His help to lift our burdens of finances, troubled marriages, wayward children, difficult bosses, etc. But we continue to hold on to them saying, "No, that's okay. I got it. Thanks." And all the while we are bogged down by these issues and struggling when we don't have to.

Even still, God is so loving and caring that He patiently walks beside us, waiting on us to cry out for His help. I encourage you today to accept the help that God is offering you and just turn your problems, issues and struggles over to Him. After you give it all to Him, make the decision not to continue worrying about your situation. When the issue tries to creep back into your mind, find a scripture to recite that will keep you focused on peace and leaving your cares with God. You have too much purpose and promise to be distracted by trivial things. Let God handle your problems so you can be free to focus on serving Him.

(excerpt from Living 4 Today)

How Things Change...WOW!!

I kicked of my previous post with these words...

I woke up this morning already in a bad place...frustrated with my job, irritated with my husband, and upset that we still aren't parents.

Wow!! How things change!!

I realized that the majority of my frustration that day stemmed from my job...which resulted in me getting mad at my husband and feeling sorry for myself for not being pregnant another month.

But after much prayer and turning it all over to God, within a few days things have changed.

1.  I received an invitation to interview for a principalship.
2.  I got over my anxiety and made a phone call about adoption.
3.  I received a phone call letting me know that I passed the interview and will be put on the list for principalship (in the event that a school becomes available).
4.  I bit the bullet and made another phone call to our RE.

Again, all I can say is it's amazing how things change...WOW!!

Praise GOD!

Security...

I woke up this morning already in a bad place...frustrated with my job, irritated with my husband, and upset that we still aren't parents. Just being HONEST!

I didn't know what else to do, but pull out my Bible and pray for peace and guidance.

I randomly opened my Bible and landed smack dab in the middle of Esther. Oh, how I love her.

At the beginning of each chapter, my Bible gives a brief outline and background of each key person. I came across this paragraph in Esther's description...

"How much of your secuirty lies in your possessions, position, or reputation? God has not placed you in your present position for your own benefit. He put you there to serve Him. As in Esther's case, this may involve risking your security. Are you willing to let God be your ultimate security?"

I have to admit that I have not turned my security over to Him. I keep asking myself these same three questions over and over: What did I do wrong to not get that promotion? What's wrong with my body and why can't I get pregnant? How can we afford adoption or our next fertility treatment?

God has not placed me in my present position for my own benefit. He put me here to serve Him.

It is not up to ME!

I feel as if the devil is doing everything he possibly can to bring me down...with my job, with my marriage, with my dreams...but he will NOT succeed.

My security lies with God.

I AM willing to let God be my ultimate security.

To Lianna, From Jesus

A dear sweet friend of mine sent this precious frame to me...

I can't tell you what peace it gives me...

He does have everything under control...

I Can't...

I can't stop the desire to be a mommy.

I can't imagine my life without burpcloths, bibs, and pacifiers.

I can't get the thought of little toy trucks or pastel pink bows out of my head.

I can't think of anything I'd rather do than watch T-ball games and ballet recitals.

I can't wait to whisper the words "Mommy and Daddy love you so much."

I can't...

He can...

He WILL!

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."~ Phillipians 4:19

Perfect Plan...

Please keep us in your prayers as we make a move on the baby front. We've been laying low, praying about our next steps, and doing our best to listen to what He wants us to do.

Please pray specifically that God leads us to the perfect plan for our baby.

I am believing that our journey to parenthood will soon be revealed!!!

Mother's Day Recap...

Although I was really dreading Mother's Day this year, it turned out to be a pretty good day. I woke up extra early to pray about the day and to remind my heart that Mother's Day will SOON be a holiday that I look forward to :)

The morning started off with the SWEETEST card from my husband. It was just a nice reminder that ONE day we will be celebrating our own Mother's Day.

Then we spent a good part of the day celebrating my Mother-in-Love...

We hung out by the pool, watched TPC, and ate hamburgers and hotdogs.

My Mother-in-Love gave me the sweetest card too and these pretty flowers. They are called Star of Bethlehem...aren't they gorgeous???

We also hung out with my favorite little guy, my nephew, Mikey.

Uncle D had a good time playing with Mikey in the pool.


Although I missed my mom like CRAZY and wished I had traveled to Texas to see her, I had a good day celebrating my other mom.

I hope you had a blessed Mother's Day and those of you waiting for a blessing, like we are, I hope you had an overwhelming peace that one day you WILL be celebrating your own Mother's Day soon!

Mother's Day...

Mother's Day is still very painful for me. With all the prayers, preparation, and thoughts of one day spending Mother's Day as a mother, the day still gives me anxiety!!

I made a promise to myself that until the day that I am a mother, I would spend the day with my own mother. Unfortunately, we can't afford to travel to Houston this year so we decided to spend the day with my mother-in-love to make sure she knew what a special mom she is to us.

I had a terrible experience about three years ago when I found myself at a Mother's Day celebration and I was the ONLY person there that was NOT a mother. And to be honest, I'm afraid that is going to happen again this weekend. Although I am not proud to admit this...we are not going to church that day either. I'm just being real here...but instead of celebrating the Lord, I know that all I would be doing at church on Mother's Day would be focusing on the fact that I'm still not a mother.

I would really covet your prayers this week and especially on Mother's Day. I know my very own special Mother's Day is coming soon...I just need prayers of peace to be patient and know that my Mother's Day will be better than I've ever imagined!!!

Words of Encouragement...

As we continue our journey to becoming parents, some days are just...well, HARD.

I spent the better part of this morning praying and reading through words of encouragement I've received from friends, bloggers, and total strangers.

Here are a few words of encouragement I've received lately...

"I wanted to tell you to GET READY, I truly believe in my heart that when God blesses you He is going to bless you BIG!"

"I believe that God sent me to tell you that he is covering you with comfort, peace, and healing all you have to do is let it in. Let go and let God do his
job."

"The blessings are going to multiply very soon...I just feel it."

"I have been reading your blog and have been praying for you and your husband on your journey to be parents. It was really weird, but last night I dreamed about you and you had a beautiful dark haired baby boy with you. I hope that your prayers are answered soon."

"I know the Lord has something special for you and David. Thank you for allowing a total stranger into your journey. As I said before, I'm not sure why God has impressed you upon my heart, but I'm very glad He did."

"I have wanted to email you for sometime but I just didn’t know how to put into words what I wanted to say. So long story short, don’t give up. I know you have been through a roller coaster, you and the hubby, but it will be worth it. Power of prayer is one thing I use to take for granted, but I have learned that the man upstairs has a plan for us."

"Last night I had a dream and I remember it clear as day. You were in it and you had a beautiful baby girl (in the dream she was actually 2ish) but she was perfect and healthy. You were so happy and ya’ll were playing outside. Her name started with a "K" because her shirt had a big K on it."

Thank you so much for all these words of encouragement...I'm still praying and believing that our time is SOON!

How I Met My Husband...

I am participating in Kelly's Show Us Your Life, How You Met Your Husband Edition.

If you haven't read our story yet, please visit this link HERE...I think you'll get a kick out of how we met :)

Have a great weekend!!

He is Enough...

On the first night of my Bible Study (about 6 weeks ago), the ladies in my small group introduced themselves and gave us a little background on who they are, where they are from, details about their job, and if they were married/single, and/or had children.

I was caught off guard when I heard our small group leader say that her husband had left her many years ago and that she didn't want to get married again or have a man come into her life. It wasn't the part about her husband leaving her that surprised me, as I know many people that have gotten divorced or are separated. But the part about her NOT wanting to get married again or have a man come into her life, is what I thought was odd.

Her reasoning for feeling this way? She was afraid that a man/husband would take away from the time that God had in her life. She had grown so close to God through prayer, meditation, and love, that she didn't want anyone to replace those feelings. She shared with us that He is Enough.

Her words just resonated with my soul and made me wonder how someone could feel that close to God and be at so much peace after going through something as life-changing as having your husband leave you.

I want that closeness. I want that peacefulness.

I am reading Angie Smith's book I Will Carry You. If you don't read her blog, you should. If you don't know about her story, you should. She wrote the book about the birth, life, and death of her daughter, Audrey Caroline, and I just can't put it down. I have been reading it at night before I go to bed and last night I left off right before she gave birth to her baby girl. I woke up at midnight, unable to sleep because I wanted to know more about how Angie felt, how she got through something so unimaginable to me. So I picked the book up again, read about Audrey Caroline's birth, her short-lived but precious life with her family, and her peaceful death. I stayed awake until about 2:00 a.m. crying about the loss of this innocent baby. I wondered how Angie must have felt. How she could be strong during this time. She specifically quoted two Bible verses that she depended on, Philipians 4:7 (which happens to be the birthdate of Audrey Caroline, April 7) and Hebrews 4:16. And then Angie quoted those words again...He is Enough.

And again, I had that feeling...

I want that closeness. I want that peacefulness.

In my heart, I know that He is Enough. But letting go and giving up on what my mind wants, is the difficult part.

I am praying today (and from here forward) that I will become to know that closeness, that peacefulness and that I will know that feeling of He is Enough.