Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Detour...

I had a crazy day today and just wanted to use this blog to vent some of my frustrations. I think if I get it off my chest, I'll feel a TON better :)

I have feel as if I am driving mycar in a deserted town withOUT my GPS and everytime I turn around, I am running into a road block or a detour and some how I just can't make it to my destination.

My day started out with me not feeling well. I'm going on day three of the flu...I stayed home from school yesterday, but because my calendar is jammed pack, I bit the bullet and went in to work. I took a lot of medication, put my big girl pants on, and headed to school.

I mentor several kids and this entire week has left me feeling like I'm not doing such a good job. All the kids I am mentoring are still doing poorly in their classes and nothing I do seems to help. I feel like an epic failure right about now. BUT...we are only in the 5th week of a new school year, so I'm going to keep trying, keep meeting with my students, keep calling parents and doing whatever I can to help these kiddos.

At around noon today, I discovered that I did NOT get the $1500 bonus I was expecting. Our district gives out Merit Bonuses each year to teachers, assistant principals and principals. The teachers' bonus is based on those teachers that show a tremendous amount of student learning gains from a subject area test they take at the beginning of the year compared to the same test they take at the end of the year. Assistant Principal bonuses are based on our state mandated test learning gains in reading and math. The district takes the top 25% of Assistant Principals with the most gains, and they get the bonus. I was in such shock that I didn't receive the way, I had planned to use the money to pay for our frozen embryo I had my principal call downtown to make sure it wasn't a mistake. She did and found out that if they would have allowed one more school to receive the bonus, it would have been OUR school. I'm not quite sure what is worse...knowing that I didn't get the bonus or finding out that I was next in line.

After these blows today, I just thought to myself..."what else could happen and WHY are all these negative things happening to me." We have spent almost six years trying to have a baby, we have spent nearly all our retirement for treatments, procedures, and surgeries, we finally get pregnant to lose the baby just six weeks after conceiving, I feel like a blimp...I think I weigh more than I ever have in my entire life, and unfortunately, I don't have any motivation to do anything about it. It seems as if all we do is wait and every answer we get is "no"...and WHY?

Then I get home and read my daily was appropriately called "The Detour."

It was based around Exodus 13:17 when the Israelites had been living in bondage in Egypt and after hearing their cries, God sent Moses to save them. Instead of Moses leading them the shortest route to the Promised Land, God directed Moses to take them through the wilderness...the longer route. The devotional went on to say that God knows the best path for us to take and even though it may seem like what we desire isn't coming to pass, He is preparing us to receive the blessings he has instore for us. Maybe there is some wrong thinking in us and He needs to deliver us from those thoughts and show us that we must have in Him. What God promises will come to fruition, so we must trust Him and know that the detour will ultimately work out for our good and to Him be the glory.

Okay...I feel better for getting all this off my chest. Blog-therapy really does work :)

 So no matter where the road may lead me...over hills, rough terrain, or through a storm...I am still holding tightly to the verse that I have memorized and spoken over and over again..."I will bless the Lord at all times, His praise shall continuously be in my mouth." ~Psalm 34:1

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

No News is Good News...

Just wanted to give everyone an update on what is going on with us on the baby-front. But actually we don't have any I guess no news is good news, right?

We are continuing to take one step at a time, one day at a time, and trusting that our desire to become parents will happen soon.

We haven't made any progress on our nursery...we painted the beadboard three days before we found out that our baby was not going to make it to birth, so we never got around to finishing it. I'm thinking that we need to take a step of faith and start working on it again.

We put our adoption process on hold for now. We felt that since we will be trying IVF one more time, it wouldn't be fair to a birthmother if she chose us and then we got pregnant at the same time. So we've decided to at least wait until after our next cycle before contacting our agency to put us back on their list. Regardless, adoption is on my heart, so we'll eventually be putting our homestudy to use soon.

At this moment, we continuing to be confident that the Lord will bless us with a house full of children one day.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Sentimental Crib UPDATE!

I posted about a month ago that my grandmother asked me if I would be interested in using the crib that my great-grandfather built for her for our baby. If you want to read about it, click the link HERE.

To be honest, I had forgotten all about the crib. I think I have been spending more of my time trying to move forward from the loss we experienced and getting my heart ready for our next try. I have been asking God to prepare me for this next cycle and although I know I will NEVER forget this experience, I want to stay focused on the present and eventually the future.

Well, He couldn't have answered me in a BIGGER way. I got a phone call from my parents that my grandmother had the crib refinished for me and she brought it over to my parent's house so they could deliver it to me on their next trip to Florida.

Here are a few pics that my mom sent me...





Isn't it SO beautiful??? And the history behind how it was made just makes me SO HAPPY!!

We are planning on getting another crib for our actual nursery, but my plan is to put this crib in our bedroom for when the baby is still small. My great grandfather built this crib over 75 years ago, so I'm headed to go look up crib safety regulations right now. My grandmother did have the furniture company fix thesliding crib rail so it is no longer a drop-side crib. But I'm sure there are so many more safety regulations I need to check.  

Just the thought of placing our baby in this crib makes my heart skip a beat :)

Thursday, September 1, 2011

My Time is Coming...

I'm always amazed at the perfect timing of my daily devotionals. Just like so many times before, this one came at the PERFECT time...

“For the vision is yet for an appointed time...though it tarry, wait for it.”(Habakkuk 2:3, KJV)

TODAY’S WORD from Joel and Victoria

If you’ve been standing in faith for the promises of God, I want you to know today that your time is coming! The dreams and desires in your heart, the things you want to accomplish, the situations you want to see changed will happen. Don’t give up just because it has taken a long time, or just because you’ve tried and failed.

I encourage you today — get your fire back! Don’t be complacent about pursuing what God has placed in your heart. It may be taking a long time, but God is a faithful God. No matter how long it’s been, no matter how impossible it looks, if you’ll stay in faith, your time is coming. Every dream that’s in your heart, every promise that has taken root, God not only put it there, but He has every intention of bringing it to pass.

Declare today, “My time is coming...God is working behind the scenes on my behalf...I will fulfill my destiny...I will fulfill the plan God has for my life!” As you declare, expect, and wait for the appointed time, your faith will grow. Your hope will grow. And you’ll step into the destiny God has in store for you!


Father in Heaven, I receive Your truth today and hold on to Your promises. I ask that You ignite my heart with Your holy fire so that I can pursue Your perfect plan for my life. Make my thoughts and words agreeable to Your will as I meditate on Your Word. In Jesus’ name, amen.
— Joel & Victoria Osteen