Sunday, August 31, 2008

Visiting an Old Favorite...

While I was in Houston visiting my family, I had the opportunity to visit my old church...Lakewood. I was SO looking forward to has been TOO long since I've visited Lakewood and seen Joel speak. We witnessed a GREAT service...although I was VERY sad to learn that Joel and Victoria were out of town.

I did get the opportunity to hear Marcos Witt speak...and he was phenomenal. And quite hilarious too :)

I sat in awe as I looked at how beautiful and LARGE not only the actual church is, but the number of people that attend Lakewood's services. It is quite amazing and quite honest...a little unbelievable, unless you've had the opportunity to experience it yourself.

Just to give you an idea of actually how big this church is...I've researched a few facts about Lakewood Church:

Lakewood Church began in 1959 and is both the oldest of the five top congregations and largest in the nation.

The new Lakewood Church is held in the old Houston Rockets venue...the Summit or more recently, the Compaq Center.

Lakewood Church has an average attendance of over 45,000...isn't that just incredible???

All I can say is...WOW!!!

While attending church today, I had one of the prayer partners pray over me and Tedra asked her to focus on our goal of getting pregnant and becoming parents. This REALLY lifted my spirits and gave me new hope.

My main priority right now is to release my wishes to the Lord...I have a hard time letting everything go and just waiting for His time and in His way. But, like I've said over and over again...I'm a work in progress. At least I know what I need to do...I just need to do it :)

If only I could take Lakewood Church and Joel Osteen back with me to Florida...until then, I'll just continue to watch the services from TV and visit the church every time I'm in Houston.

Over all, today was just so amazing. I couldn't have asked for a better day.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Fragile Clay Jars...

I am visiting my family in Houston this weekend and have had a lot of time to catch up on my "One Year Bible for Women." I have tried to read the day's scriptures each morning before I get up and go about my day. Today's selection was from 2 Corinthians 4:7-10 and was very meaningful to me. Here is what it reads...

" We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we oursleves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves. We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed, We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies."

This reminds me that the Lord is always watching over me....He doesn't desert me when I am frustrated, upset, or feeling lonely. He is always by my side and will continue to lead me toward the path He has planned for me to walk. Although at times, I do feel like the most fragile jar ever created and if I am forced to take on yet another set-back, I just might break...this verse reminds me that I CAN go on and I WILL go on, for He holds the great treasures that I so long for.

Monday, August 25, 2008

When It Rains...

it POURS!!! I had a really rough day yesterday...the dreaded BABY shower :( Please don't get me wrong and please don't think I'm being tell you the truth, I think I'm TOO sensitive--especially for other people. Our cousin's son and and girlfriend are expecting a precious little baby girl in September. They had the cutest baby shower I've ever seen...every single thing was PINK (which happens to be my favorite color). But the longer I sat there and watched her open all the cute little outfits, bows, and blankets, the more it just made my heart ache. I am SO SO SO happy for them and I know how excited they are, but to be quite honest...I want that for us so bad that sometimes it just plain hurts. So, I came home, cried to the DH, let him baby me and remind me that our time IS coming and how exciting it will be WHEN it happens.

Having a yucky day yesterday, caused me to reflect on this entire year. We have been through a rough say the least. It started out with two BFN's, back to back, which were so hard to stomach and just a blow to our family plans. The economy has taken a nose-dive and with gas prices so high, it has seriously affected the DH's business. It also seems as if EVERYTHING is happening right now and we just haven't had time to stop and showers, baby showers, weddings, birthday parties, the new school year, Tropical Storm Fay, etcetera, etcetera...

All of this craziness made me sit down and think about how thankful I am for a DH that loves me and a marriage that can withstand all these rough patches. The old adage, "What doesn't kill me (us), makes me (us) stronger" surely holds true.

I heard a song called When the Rain Comes by Third Day. As I listened to the words, it really made me reflect on how much the DH and I have leaned on one another and how much we really NEED one another, especially through these rough times. Although we aren't able to stop the rain from coming...we can hold one another until it subsides.

I love you honey...and I know we'll get through 2008 AND experience many blessings in the years to come!

Saturday, August 23, 2008

I Would Die For That...

I have met a great blogger friend named Krysta that has also been going through infertility problems and received a BFN last week. I wanted to hear more about her story and decided to read her very first post on her blog. She showed this You Tube video on her first blog and I just could NOT stop crying. I can honestly say that this is EXACTLY how I feel...

Did you need an entire box of Kleenex like I did?

Friday, August 22, 2008

Verses That Encourage Me...

I have created a file on my computer of several Bible verses that I like to read over and over again...especially when I feel down, need inspiration, or to glorify the plans He has for us. I wanted to share a few of them with you in the hopes that they will lift your spirits and help you to remember that our time is coming...

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." ~Psalm 27:14

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." ~1 Peter 5:7

"You are the God who performs miracles, you display your power among the people." ~Psalm 77:14

"For I can do everything with the help of Christ who gives me the strength I need."~Philippians 4:13

"I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word." ~Psalm 130:5

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." ~Proverbs 3:5

"You are the God who performs miracles, you display your power among the people." ~Psalm 77:14

This one is my FAVORITE...

"Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust Him, and He will help you." ~Psalm 37:4-5

Keep moving forward...praying for guidance, strength, and peace.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

We Need a Plan...

I think the hardest thing to deal with right now is not having a PLAN!! I am a planner, always have been, and probably always will be. Because we are in a financial crunch at the moment, it's hard to even see what our next step will be.

I did find out that if I changed our insurance to the Premium plan, more of the fertility medications and procedures would be covered. So of course I did that the first chance I got. But our new insurance doesn't go into effect until October 1st. My best friend and my mom have been encouraging me to continue to do IUI's until we are able to afford another IVF. I am hoping that when the new insurance kicks in, we will be able to do a few IUI's for free. I just can't see paying $700 + for IUI's when we could save that money for an IVF. So hopefully the new insurance coverage will offer us a few free IUI's.

I have decided to start an IVF/IUI account and put a little money in this account each paycheck. I received some money back from our flex account (reimbursement for medications, doctor visits, etc.) and I think I'm going to start the fund with this money. If I put at least $100 of each paycheck, hopefully we'll save up enough to try again sooner than later.

I am honestly convinced that I may not have to have any of these procedures to get pregnant. The power of prayer is an amazing thing. I've seen so many miracles happen...when the odds were fighting against the obvious, and I really believe that if we have enough faith and prayer our hopes will be answered.

I am counting on the Lord; yes, I am counting on him. I have put my hope in his word. ~Psalm 130:5

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Starting Over...

Edited to add: This blog post was originally written in August 2008. David and I are now going on almost five years of marriage and four years of trying to conceive. We have recently obtained a Home Study to begin the adoption process, but we are still trying to conceive on our own.

David and I have been married for almost three years and have been TTC (trying to conceive) for over two years. We have had two IUI (intra uterine insemination), two IVF (in vitro fertilization) procedures, and MANY negative pregnancy results. We currently are dealing with unexplained infertility and trying to deal with it financially, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

We are hoping that this blog will enable us to meet new people that are in our same situation, hear about new procedures for infertility, and use this as a means to vent about our frustations as well as celebrate our triumphs with starting a family.

We chose this title for our blog because of the scripture Isaiah 58:11. It reads
“And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought…And you shall be like a watered garden…”

So, we are starting over with this difficult journey, putting God first and letting Him lead our way.