Tuesday, June 29, 2010

The Valley...

I had my follow up doctor's appointment yesterday for our Clomid Challenge and walked away feeling like I've hit rock bottom.

My doctor has discovered that I have endometreosis and wants me to have surgery before trying IVF again.

We aren't sure how severe the endometreosis is at this time, but will know more once he is able to go inside for the surgery. He does want to be aggressive and do his best at getting it ALL out, which I think is a good idea. The surgery will be scheduled in about 3-4 weeks. 

After the crazy week I've had...with one let-down after another, I'm literally SHOCKED that I'm still standing and able to even type this post.

I thought I had been in some pretty low places, but this valley I've found myself in has caused me to dig my heels in and finally start my journey to the TOP!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."~ Romans 8:26

Monday, June 28, 2010

Getting Over the Hump...

I had one of the worst days in a long time this past week. I literally got in my car on Thursday and cried all the way home.

I felt so defeated, worn out, and literally hit rock bottom.

I shared my feelings with several family and friends and just as I expected, they lifted me up, prayed for me, and sent me advice and verses to encourage me.

This morning is the start of a new week, so I thought I would kick start it with this verse I read on Kelly's blog this today...

"Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer."~ Psalm 4:1

He WILL help me get through this time and He WILL take me to greater places!!

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Abraham and Sarah...

As we begin our two week wait this cycle, I am reminded of Abraham and Sarah. For that matter, my hubby and I are FEELING like Abraham and Sarah as each year passes by. Here is their story...

In Genesis, God promised Abraham and Sarah that they would give birth to a son and that all the generations of the earth would be blessed through him. In the natural, this looked impossible because Sarah was ninety and Abraham was older than that! But they began to meditate on God and consider what He could do beyond the limits of the possible. Their faith opened the door for God to bring to pass what He had promised in their lives. When they considered God, He strengthened their mortal bodies so that they could conceive a child way beyond child-bearing years.

I've come to the realization that this is out of our hands. Our situation looks impossible, but I know that He can take impossibility and turn it into possibility. I've witnessed so many friends and family members receive gifts of impossibility with faith and confidence in the All powerful.

I am believing that our faithfulness and prayers will be rewarded, just like Abraham and Sarah.

Saturday, June 19, 2010


Today is THAT day.

The day that I posted this sticky note in my medicine cabinet TWO years ago.

I made a post about it last year, 6/19/09, HERE.

Although it has been another year of heartaches, disappointments, and waiting...This year, I am continuing to  pray that the Lord reveals the greatest of ALL plans to make me a  mother.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

My Guardian Angel Mother...

God puts people in our path for a reason...sometimes for empathy, sometimes for hope, sometimes for love, and sometimes to remind us to be grateful.

I have had the privilege of meeting someone that I truly believe  is my Guardian Angel Mother (like my mom calls her) .

My secretary, Mrs. Edwards, is a special lady and I honestly do not know how I would deal with my job, our journey to become parents, or my life, without her guidance, love, and advice.

I recently received this email that another teacher in our district wrote about my secretary and thought it was a great example of how special Mrs. Edwards truly is...

I wanted to write you a note about one of your employees, Judy Edwards. I had the opportunity to meet Mrs. Edwards Tuesday afternoon. I was parked across from her home, and some students were unloading some items from my car into a home across from hers and they broke a glass that fell from my car. She immediately came over and offered me a trash bag to store the broken glass in.

As I went back over to thank her and introduced myself, I explained my purpose for being in her neighborhood. One of our graduating seniors, Jeffrey Williams, lost his mother suddenly a week ago Saturday. I explained the situation to Mrs. Edwards, and she expressed immediate concern for Jeffrey, whom she met before, but the families were not close. This is not a situation where neighbors exchange recipes, as Jeffrey's mom was standoffish and frequently gone.

At any rate, we exchanged information, phone numbers and email, and I asked her to keep an eye out for Jeffrey until after graduation when further future arrangements could be sorted out.

Her first concern, once she was satisfied about his well-being, was about his graduation. I explained that my principal had immediately taken care of the details on our end, providing a cap and gown and other essentials. Mrs. Edwards asked if anyone was doing anything else for him. As our school is a tight-knit school, he has some friends and teachers looking out for him during this difficult time, but his extended biological family is not organizing a graduation celebration, and it is unknown if they will even attend.

Mrs. Edwards went into her kitchen and retrieved a graduation card she had set aside, hoping to use it for the right individual. She put cash in it, and walked with me back across the street to personally deliver her condolences and her gift.

It is the only graduation gift of a formal nature this young man received. It was thoughtful, genuine, and she was warm beyond measure, explaining to Jeffrey not to hesitate to call on her at any hour. His warm hug in surprise and thankfulness was touching and a real moment of human connectivity.

We expect teachers and staff at our own home schools to look out for our kids, and we do a great job of it. But for a woman who was virtually a stranger to Jeffrey to step up, and go above and beyond in his moment of need, and deliver that gesture with extraordinary kindness and sincerity, was worth writing you about.

This letter just confirmed what I already knew...Mrs. Edwards is such a wonderful person and friend.

We were together this weekend for a surprise party for one of our co-workers and in conversation she mentioned to me that she had picked up dinner for family and realized that she had a lot left over. Without hesitation, she picked up the phone and called Jeffery to see if he would like dinner and brought it over to him.

I am so blessed and thankful that God placed this special woman in my life. Although I am MILES away from my own mom, Mrs. Edwards is definitely my Guardian Angel Mother...and I don't mind sharing her with Jeffery too.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Fertility 15...

I have always been petite.

 I remember that my exact weight when I graduated was 110 pounds. That number was etched into memory because I auditioned for the dance team in junior college and we had a strict weight limit. Our dance director measured our weight, height, and body fat and gave us a specific weight-range that we needed to be to perform. I had heard of the dreaded Freshman 15 but thought it would NEVER happen to me.  Well, believe it or not, I did gain several pounds after graduating high school and recall having to lose those pounds before our dance team's first performance and it was TOUGH! But I did lose that Freshman 15 and was able to perform at all the games during college.

It has been almost 20 years since I graduated high school (which is very scary) and I do NOT weigh 110 pounds. I would say that I am a pretty healthy person...I am active, not as much as I'd like to be...and we eat pretty healthy, again, not as much as I'd like to. But the main cause of my weight fluctuation is the Fertility 15. The weight gain that accompanies fertility medications is seriously unbelievable. Especially for someone that is already petite...there is NO way of hiding these extra  pounds.

I will be so glad when all the medications and procedures are over so I can work on getting rid of the Fertility 15 and get my body back!!!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Dear Clomid...

Dear Clomid,

How I dislike you. Let me count the ways...

1.  You cause me to have hot flashes.
2.  You make me feel bloated.
3.  You cause my mood to swing back and forth and back and forth. My poor husband :(
4.  You cause me to have headaches each afternoon.

I dislike all your side effects, but I'm praying you bring me a miracle!


Sunday, June 6, 2010

Give all Your Worries to God...

1 Peter 5:7 says we should tell God everything that we are worried and concerned about so the weights can be lifted off our shoulders. He loves and cares about us and doesn't want us to be burdened down with issues and troubles.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares about what happens to you." ~1 Peter 5:7

It's similar to the scenario of seeing a close friend or relative walking around with a heavy bookbag on their back. You notice that the bookbag is too heavy for them because they are slouched over and walking slowly. The pain, agony, and sweat dripping from their face indicates that the load on their back is too much for them to carry. So instead of standing by and watching them suffer, you run over and offer to take the bookbag off their back. But the person replies, "No, that's okay. I got it. Thanks." Since you don't want to be pushy, you allow them to keep carrying the heavy load, but continue to walk beside them hoping that eventually they will accept the help you are offering.

That's the same way that God is with us. He is right there offering His help to lift our burdens of finances, troubled marriages, wayward children, difficult bosses, etc. But we continue to hold on to them saying, "No, that's okay. I got it. Thanks." And all the while we are bogged down by these issues and struggling when we don't have to.

Even still, God is so loving and caring that He patiently walks beside us, waiting on us to cry out for His help. I encourage you today to accept the help that God is offering you and just turn your problems, issues and struggles over to Him. After you give it all to Him, make the decision not to continue worrying about your situation. When the issue tries to creep back into your mind, find a scripture to recite that will keep you focused on peace and leaving your cares with God. You have too much purpose and promise to be distracted by trivial things. Let God handle your problems so you can be free to focus on serving Him.

(excerpt from Living 4 Today)

Friday, June 4, 2010

How Things Change...WOW!!

I kicked of my previous post with these words...

I woke up this morning already in a bad place...frustrated with my job, irritated with my husband, and upset that we still aren't parents.

Wow!! How things change!!

I realized that the majority of my frustration that day stemmed from my job...which resulted in me getting mad at my husband and feeling sorry for myself for not being pregnant another month.

But after much prayer and turning it all over to God, within a few days things have changed.

1.  I received an invitation to interview for a principalship.
2.  I got over my anxiety and made a phone call about adoption.
3.  I received a phone call letting me know that I passed the interview and will be put on the list for principalship (in the event that a school becomes available).
4.  I bit the bullet and made another phone call to our RE.

Again, all I can say is it's amazing how things change...WOW!!

Praise GOD!