Thursday, September 9, 2010

ONE STRONG WOMAN!!!

After four years of trying to have a baby, I have learned that some people just don't understand. I honestly don't think people "try" to be hurtful with the words they say, I just think they haven't experienced the pain, frustration, anxiety, and helplessness that comes along with infertility, so they don't realize how damaging their comments can be.

Nonetheless, it still hurts when you hear things like...

"So what are you guys waiting on??? You should get pregnant now."

"I will be MORE than happy to carry a baby for you. Just tell me when you're ready."

"I'll be so glad when you guys finally have kids. I can't wait for our kids to play together, go to school together, and grow up together."

I've gotten really good at biting my tongue when I hear things like the comments listed above...because again, I think these comments were said to try and help me, not hurt me. I am a fast learner, but learning how to not be so sensitive is taking me awhile :)

Until our prayers are answered, I'm going to continue believing that what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger. Which definitely makes me ONE STRONG WOMAN!!!

16 comments:

Jackie Koll said...

Good Post. I got so tired of hearing those same things. Yes, I'm blessed beyond measure with my boys but ironically now I hear, "So you really didn't have any problems, did you" or "So are you going to stop now?" I don't think people realize that having children is a private concern sometimes. I also like this one "So, are you trying to have a baby"? I want to say - Yes, we practice every single night but just can't seem to get it right yet. HA

I think people do mean welll, but if they haven't been there, they don't understand how painful it is. My heart hurts for friends who are struggling with this now too and I never ask, just pray for them.

Lisa said...

I've heard them all, Lianna.

My favorite was from a cashier at Krogers...

"Maybe you should think about buying a cute, cuddly puppy?"

I had to leave quickly before I punched her.

I've had more uterus' thrown at me than I care to admit, and then, after informing them that it isn't my uterus that has the problem, they get thrown off course and just begin spewing all kinds of crazy. I usually just thank them for the generous offer of their uterus and move along quickly.

In private, though? It breaks my heart. I just turned 40 and I'm losing hope by the hour. I'm officially defective.

Lauren said...

I can’t even begin to say I know and understand what you’re going through because I haven’t been there, but I can tell you one thing…. There is a purpose for all of this. In the mean time, keep your head held high, and your faith high. And know that we love you and are praying for you!

Todd and Courtney said...

Keep your head up. Even though I haven't been there, I try so hard to not say things that are hurtful. You are very loved and prayed for every single day.

Kelli & Joel said...

I can so relate! The line that gets me too is the "you know, you're not getting any younger."
I mean I seriously understand that, I don't need every person I meet on the street to remind me of it.. I keep telling my husband, that one day I may just have to punch someone when they inform me of it. (I really wouldn't, but still, you understand)

Anonymous said...

I had a coworker get pregnant and a male coworker KEPT saying to me, "Don't drink the water! Amy, you better not drink the water." hrr hrr hrr. so funny. you are hilarious, sir. i just walked out of the room and went to the bathroom and cried. ha.

hang in there dear, girl. Whenever I pray for my own infertility trouble I always lift you up as well.

rae said...

I so understand! I have thought about coming up with a list of what not to say......because after almost 5 years of TTC I think I have heard it all! I'm so sorry you still have to deal with hurtful comments even if they are not meant to be hurtful!

Traci said...

I understand exactly what you mean. I had someone say to me "Why did you buy a 4Br house if you don't have any kids?". I just don't know what people are thinking sometimes.

Jenna said...

I will never forget some of the hurtful things people said when we were going through IF. The worst of them occurred on Mother's Day (of course, right?!). A lady was holding her twins and looked at me and said "Oh, I bet you really wish you had one of these!" ... and she was 100% aware of what we were doing with regards to treatment etc. I ALMOST ran out of church. I really thought Chris was going to yell at her. It was awful, awful, awful.

Ashley said...

I agree- people have NO idea how hurtful those kinds of comments are. It just kills me that most people thinks it's so easy to get pregnant. "What are you waiting for?" Grrr

queenoe said...

Dear One,
My heart still longs for your heart's longing! I am thanking God that this journey is giving you strength instead of thick skin. Thick skin becomes a barrier and strength builds you up! STAY STRONG & ENCOURAGED! Love, Cherry

Life Happens said...

I've heard it all before too. But like you said, what doesn't kill makes us stronger.

Hang in there. I pray that the Lord will bless you and make known His plan to you.

Sandra (Sarah Creamer's Mom) said...

I have lived it through Sarah so it is very close to my heart. Sad thing is, even when people "know" what you are dealing with, they often have a hard time understanding why these comments hurt so much. I actually had people say to me, (concerning Sarah and Stuart) "Well you know, maybe they just aren't meant to have their own children. They need to try and accept it because they can't live their lives always cringing when someone says the wrong thing or when someone else turns up pregnant." Yeah, well if you haven't "lived" it, you have NO idea. It's so easy to say when you have 2 or 3 kids because you're a walking fertile mine, but let's reverse the situation and see if you're still full of such deep and meaningful advice.

Sorry...I just ache for all of you girls out there dealing with this. As a mother who has walked this journey beside her daughter, I feel a deep connection to each and every one of you out there. Please know you are prayed over, and though I don't know all of your names, our Father does!
(((HUGS TO YOU ALL)))

Praying, Trusting and Believing!

Michelle said...

I have done everything that you did. I have done IVF twice. I had surgery 3 times. Gave up and I have 2 boys conceived without nothing. Point is to keep praying. I read you blog all the time but dont post much. Good luck and I am praying for you! God Bless! You will be a MOMMY one day!

Fabiola said...

It is just hard!!! People are really careful to talk around me (especially at work), which I am really grateful. But sometimes I can't avoid awkward situations and I really have to work on the "bite my tongue", because I just answer what's on my mind : (

Brandi said...

Just came across your blog. My husband and I are struggling with IF as well and I know all too well about these conversations. I had one just this week that upset me to no end... Prayers for you and your hubby!