Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Square One...

I had my follow-up appointment yesterday for my laproscopy surgery. Unfortunately, it didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. I'm not sure what I expected, I already knew what the doctor was going to tell me. I guess I was hoping for a miracle diagnosis.

My doctor felt as if the endometriosis played a huge part in our inability to get pregnant. But instead of telling me that he thought we should continue to try for a while and see what happens. My doctor was very honest with me and said..."If you were 27 years old, I would recommend you try for several months on your own and see what happens. But because you are 37 years old and time is NOT on your side, I recommend you and your husband try IVF."

Not the words I wanted to hear...

Believe me, I am willing to try ANYTHING at this point to become a mother. But we've done IVF...TWICE. The cost of an IVF procedure and the medicaitons are ridiculous and we are literally STILL trying to pay off our debt from our first two attempts. Not to mention that giving yourself shots with the LONGEST needles ever, is not my idea of fun. BUT, it is what it is.

So here we are, almost five years later, and starting back at square one.

Lord, give us the strength to finish this journey. Help us to make it to the top of this mountain we have been climbing for years and remind us that You are the one we should turn our focus to.

24 comments:

Laura Ann said...

Oh Lianna, my heart fell to the floor when I read this. I really thought this was going to be the break you guys needed to move forward. I know that God will provide a way and I am praying he does it quickly. I am at a loss of what to say to comfort you and I know you must be heart broken and tired, you have every reason to me. Loving you from afar and praying for you daily.

Heather Allen said...

Oh no I am so sorry. I know it is not what you wanted to hear at all.

Jennifer said...

Lianna I am so sorry. I know this is not what y'all wanted to hear. But I pray that the Lord will guide you in the right direction and that WE WILL be celebrating your miracle VERY SOON!!!

Praying!!!!!

belle said...

oh Heavenly Father!!!!!!

be BIG today! show your awesome power.... do something MIRACULOUS!!!!!! intervene Lord and show these drs WHO IS BOSS!!!!!!!!!

keeping you in constant prayer

Melissa said...

Oh, Lianna. I am sorry. I can only pray that if you go forward this time, it will work for you and all will be well.

Britney said...

I'm so sorry ; (
I don't want to presume anything, but have you considered adoption? (I'm sure plenty of people have asked you that). I'm an adoptive mama of a precious baby boy through domestic infant adoption. We are now pursuing our second child, God willing, through embryo adoption. You mentioned cost, and neither of these options is nearly as expensive as you may think -- both are a lot less expensive out of pocket than IVF.
I'm happy to chat more with you if you are interested. Again, I understand you have to be at the right place to consider adoption.
I'm at bacolton@hotmail.com and I'd love to chat if you'd like. ; )

Ashley said...

Praying that God will give you wisdom and discernment about which direction to take and peace as you trust His plan.

waiting and wishing said...

Praying for you.

rae said...

I'm so sorry! I am praying for you!

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry. your doctor didn't mention anything about lupron depot or any other estrogen-repressing hormones? not that I would necessarily recommend that since it didn't work for me... We both have been given the same diagnosis, but miracles still happen. I keep clinging to the hope that we have all the necessary "parts" to have a baby and God can make anything happen. Let's hope he does! :)

Megan said...

Dangit! I'm so sorry that you didn't get better news!! SO SORRY!! My heart breaks for you right now. (((HUGE HUGS))) and tons of prayers!!

Heather said...

Praying for you my freind! I soooo hope IVF works for you guys this time now that you have had lap surgery! It just might!!!

I so understand the money thang! If these attempts we have paid for do not work, we literally have no more money- for adoption for surrogacy for anything. But we still have a monstrous loan payment every month to remind us of what we dont have...... ugh sometimes!!!

Lisa said...

Oh Lianna...my heart breaks for you. Know that I will be praying for you.

Call me if you need to vent sometime.

Keep your head held high

Lisa :)

Sonya said...

I'm praying for you! One of my very close friends is at one last step before IVF. I don't know how she's done it! Her needles have been much smaller so I'm hoping that's how it is for you too!

Jenna said...

Oh Lianna, I am so, so sorry to hear this. I know that isn't at all what you were wanting him to say. You are constantly in my prayers. I read your other post too and I just wanted to say I empathize with how you feel. Sometimes there is so much "fluff" it's sort of ridiculous and I've always thought I was sort of alone in feeling that, but I guess not! Praying, praying, praying for you my sweet, sweet friend!

Lauren said...

Oh, so sorry to hear this!! I am committing to praying everyday for you!!! Love you, friend!!!!

Anonymous said...

Praying lam 3:22-23 for you

"because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness."

this verse has helped me tremendously.

Life Happens said...

I'm sorry the dr didn't have better news. I pray that you will be able to find comfort in the Lord and He will reveal his plans for your family to you.

((Hugs))

skourasfam said...

I have a great doc and I went through two years of infertility to get my first one and we've been trying since November 2009 for a second and we still aren't pregnant. One of the things my doctor was convinced that blocked my pregnancy the first round was my anxiety about getting pregnant. I didn't want or need to hear that because the process itself gives you stress and anxiety. This go round, prior to approaching fertility drugs again, she asked me to commit to calming down and offered two supplements to help. I am 36 and time is also "not on my side" as you put it. She didn't ask for years, but just for six more months.

She told me that taking
1. Pharmaceutical grade Omega-3 Fish Oil. Minimum of 650mg of EPA. Said it's great for our harmones and many other things "female" related {and I am no doctor and she's the best around so I trust her}
I got the one from her office called Nordic Naturals Pro Omega
2. DHEA Tablets: Support adrenal gland development. Couple of things that can deplete that are lack of sleep {which is sounds like you have} and stress {which fertility can cause}...among other things in our lives. 5mg is all we need. 10mg per day max.

I read your be thou a knight blog regularly and I never realized you had a second one. I have been through a lot of what you are going through and I can relate. It's a hard pill to swallow.

My doctors theory was that if your harmones are at an optimum state and your adrenal gland is as well {both making you feel great and relaxed} it can up your chances.

Even if you go IVF, this can't hurt.

I will pray for you. It is truly these times when we can't see his plan ahead, but he knows the desires of your heart and he's your dad.... and he loves you. Trust that.

Kim

Sandra (Sarah Creamer's Mom) said...

Lianna,
I haven't been on here in a while, but you have been on my heart lately - now I know why. I'm so sorry the doctor didn't have better news. My heart is with you. Just know that I continue to lift you and David up and trust that God will honor the desires of your hearts!!

♥(((HUGS)))♥

Jen: Proud Mom of 7 Adopted Miracle Blessings said...

We are hear to support you if you choose the path towards Embryo Adoption or adoption!!!

http://3babes2jens1cause-embryoadoption.blogspot.com/

Hugs!!

blessedmomto8 said...

SO EXCITED for your journey through embryo adoption! I just gave birth to our sweet baby girl through EA in June! SUCH A BLESSING!

HUGS,
JEN

Kristen said...

I've been a lurker for a while and I just had to comment on this...my heart aches for you...my husband and I went through infertility and we were never able to get any real answers. I had a tube that was blocked, but the other one worked fine...according to the Dr., there was no reason why we shouldn't be getting pregnant...so frustrating to hear! I am praying for you and for your Drs, that God would give you and them wisdom in this journey!

Bobbi Johnson said...

I am praying for you, friend, as you try to decide what your next step is. You are so right...turn your focus to God. Whenever there is trouble, you have to make the choice whether to turn to or away from God, and you keeping your sight on God is so key to bringing this journey to an end. And like you said in your most recent post...YOU ARE ONE STRONG WOMAN. So much stronger than you ever would've been if you had not walked this journey for the past five years!!!