Square One...

I had my follow-up appointment yesterday for my laproscopy surgery. Unfortunately, it didn't go as well as I had hoped it would. I'm not sure what I expected, I already knew what the doctor was going to tell me. I guess I was hoping for a miracle diagnosis.

My doctor felt as if the endometriosis played a huge part in our inability to get pregnant. But instead of telling me that he thought we should continue to try for a while and see what happens. My doctor was very honest with me and said..."If you were 27 years old, I would recommend you try for several months on your own and see what happens. But because you are 37 years old and time is NOT on your side, I recommend you and your husband try IVF."

Not the words I wanted to hear...

Believe me, I am willing to try ANYTHING at this point to become a mother. But we've done IVF...TWICE. The cost of an IVF procedure and the medicaitons are ridiculous and we are literally STILL trying to pay off our debt from our first two attempts. Not to mention that giving yourself shots with the LONGEST needles ever, is not my idea of fun. BUT, it is what it is.

So here we are, almost five years later, and starting back at square one.

Lord, give us the strength to finish this journey. Help us to make it to the top of this mountain we have been climbing for years and remind us that You are the one we should turn our focus to.

One of These Days...

One of these days...

Wounds Heal...

It has been over a WEEK since I've posted on this blog....which is definitely NOT my normal :) School started and it's been a busy week (for a lack of better words)!!!

Monday is my last follow-up appointment with my doctor and I am REALLY looking forward to hearing what he has to say. I am curious as to what he thinks our next steps should be.

I am proud to announce that my four wounds from my surgery are healing nicely. I am hoping after a few more weeks (and the use of Mederma twice a day) you won't even be able to see the scars. Fingers CROSSED :)

My heart still longs for a baby...every week, every day, every minute that passes by. But just like the wounds from my surgery, I will be healed. I believe it!!

Nothing Confirmed, But Hopeful...

I can't thank you all enough for all the prayes and words of encouragement this past week. I honestly do not think I could have made it without them...I KNOW I couldn't have made it without them.

This surgery was so TOUGH on me physically and emotionally...more so than I ever imagined. Although my surgery was on Tuesday, I didn't feel back to normal until Monday...almost a week later. My abdomen was sore, I didn't have an appetite because of the nausea, and I just couldn't do ANYTHING!! I'm not sure which one of those three were worse. But having a combination of all three nearly did me in!!

I had my wound check appointment this morning and I think it went well. The reason I wrote think is because I still haven't talked or met with my doctor since my surgery. Because my husband was confused about the explanation the doctor gave him after my surgery about my fallopian tubes, I decided to call myself to get the feedback/results. A nurse called me back the following day and told me that she didn't see any problems in the notes that our doctor wrote after my surgery. I was elated!! Today, because it was only a wound check and because our doctor was in surgery, I met with a nurse. I asked her if she could look through my chart and let me know what the doctor did to my fallopian tubes and if she could explain what happened during my surgery. She explained to me that it looked as if I had two cysts on the OUTSIDE of my fallopians...one on each side. The doctor removed him and he did NOT note that this should be a concern. She also told me that the fibrial, the fringelike part  at the opening of the fallopian tubes, was repaired. I did some more research when I got home and discovered that the fibrials are what help to push the eggs along on their journey to the uterus. The more I read the more I was convinced that this problem has had nothing to do with our inablity to get pregnant yet. My menstrual cycle is on the TIGHTEST schedule...I know exactly what day I ovulate and I know the exact date for my period...to be honest, I am SO consistent that it's almost scary sometimes!! If my fibrials were causing the infertility problems, I don't think I would be ovulating, much less be on a regular monthly cycle.

BUT...like I said before, I still haven't spoken with the doctor yet.

I have a follow-up appointment scheduled for August 30 and during this appointment  the doctor will talk to me, in depth, about how my surgery went, what the pathology results are of my endometriosis, and what he recommends our next step should be.

Although none of these diagnoses have been confirmed by my doctor, I felt GREAT about my appointment today. I just have a peace about the surgery, confidence in our new doctor, and truly believe that our journey to becoming parents will finally become a reality.

So in a nutshell, nothing has been confirmed, but I am hopeful that soon, VERY soon, we will be parents.

It's Been One of Those Days...

Today was just one of those days. Let me explain...

The hubby left at around 8:00 a.m. to play golf with some friends. I promptly get up, take a shower, straighten the house, and make a list of errands to run. My errands consist of : Michael's, Home Depot, school, Mary Kay delivery, and school clothes shopping.

I am responsible for the kick-off presentation to our teachers for Preplanning and wanted to make sure our meeting room looked nice for the teachers' first day back to school. We have a red theme this year and I decided to stop by Michael's and get a variety of red themed scrapbooking paper to use for centerpieces. I also picked up red and white chinese take-out containers to use as holders for little plants on each table.

I was probably in Michael's all of 15 minutes when I realized there had been a downpour while I was shopping...which, in Florida, that means the temperature just shot up another 10 degrees and the humidity was unbearable!

I then head to Home Depot to pick up some $.99 plants to finish off my centerpieces. As I am walking in the parking lot, I slip on the wet pavement, and almost fell to the ground. Luckily, I didn't fall, but what I did do, was use my stomach muscles to catch myself...NOT good. On top of that, I stubbed my toe and broke my toenail. I feel the tears start to well-up, but I pull myself together, get the plants and start driving to my school.

I get to my school and made three trips from the car to the media center to unload all my supplies. By this time, I'm soaking wet with sweat and started to ask myself..."Self, why did you even bother taking a shower today?" Once inside, I realize the AC is NOT on at all!! Of course the AC is not on, the school district is trying to save every single penny it can, so they turn off the AC over the weekends.

So I proceed to set up my decorations...mind you, as FAST as I can so I can get back into my car WITH AC. After setting up about 12 tables, I realize that I don't have enough materials for all 17 tables!! Frustration is REALLY setting in at this point. I make do with what I have, pack up my things, and get back in my COOL car.

I poceed with my next errand, which is to stop by my church to drop off some Mary Kay that a friend purchased. Our church is located down a LONG road...a little bit out of the way. I pull my car up in the circle drive, walk up to the front door, and realize the doors are locked. Locked? Since when are our church doors locked??? I decided I'll just deliver the Mary Kay tomorrow, at church, instead.

I get back in the car and plan to get a few outfits for the new school year. I take one look in the mirror and literally LAUGH out loud at the site I see. My hair is dripping wet with sweat...so bad so, that I have little ringlets of hair dangling all around my face, pulled taut with a bead of sweat on the verge of dropping. Shopping??? NOT!!!

I turn my car around and head back home!

I stop and get the mail on my way in the house...I grumble at the realization that the hubby hasn't gotten the mail ALL week, by the looks of how full our mailbox was. I walk into the house and start thumbing through the mail. We have two large envelopes with The Knights written across the front so, of course, I open those first.

TWO birth announcements.

I hit rock bottom.

The hubby called me just at that moment to let me know that he and his friends were rained out at golf today and were headed to our house to go for a swim. I lost it even MORE...if that's possible.

The tears were falling, the head was pounding, and all I could think about was getting BACK in bed for the rest of the day.

Of course, right after I ate an ENTIRE Hershey's bar!

Shopping AND a pedicure are on my list of errands for tomorrow.

It's been one of those days :(

Checking In...

Today is day four of my recovery and I'm hanging in there. My days consist of:

1.  Irregular sleeping patterns...the pain meds have me off schedule. I wake up at 2:00 a.m. in pain, take some medication, and then can't go back to sleep until 5:00 a.m. NOT GOOD :( Especially since school starts in three days!!

2.  Nausea...I haven't really felt like eating much because I am so nauseous. I have eaten yogurt in the morning, cheese and crackers for lunch, and soup for dinner. I'm so ready for my appetite to pick back up.

3.  BOREDOM...I have played every game known to man on my computer these past four days. My farm on Farmville is exploding with all kinds of crops and farm animals...I can't believe I just admitted to that!!!

4.  My DVR...when I'm not sleeping or playing games on the computer, I'm trying to catch up on all my DVRed shows.

Just checking in, although it's pretty uneventful, huh???

Where Two or Three are Gathered...

Although my surgery was scheduled for 11:00 a.m. yesterday, it ended up not beginning until 11:30 a.m. With the bowel prep I had the previous day (which means a liquid diet and NO food or water after midnight), it was a LONG waiting period for me.

I have to admit though that it wasn't that bad, especially when you have an ADD, impatient, and rather funny husband. David kept me entertained in the waiting room by taking blackmail pictures of me in my shower cap, reading my chart and pretending like he knew what it all meant, and CONSTANTLY peeking through the privacy curtain every time he heard our doctor's voice :) Although my hubby can be a handful sometimes, I appreciate his sense of humor and ability to always make me laugh!

All in all, the surgery took approximately 2 hours. A little longer than we expected. The doctor DID find a little bit of endometriosis and luckily was able to remove it ALL...thank the LORD! But while inside he discovered a few other things as well.

I was diagnosed by our FIRST doctor in 2006 as having a septate uterus...it's where your uterus is shaped like a heart, which can possibly result in a miscarriage when we do get pregnant. Unfortunately, our SECOND doctor conducted a water test on me and said that I DIDN'T have it. So we never did anything about it. When Dr. Fox, our current doctor, went in yesterday, he confirmed that I DID in fact have a septate uterus, so he corrected that while he was inside. He also discovered a malfunction with my fallopian tubes. Unfortunately, David didn't quite understand what Dr. Fox explained to him about my fallopian tubes (and I was still heavily medicated when he came in to explain the results) so I have already put in a call to his office for him to call me today and give me the specifics.

The bottom line is that because of my age and this problem with the tubes, Dr. Fox thinks we still need IVF if we plan to ever get pregnant on our own. Although I am a little disappointed by this diagnosis, I am confident that this surgery was the right move for us and believe that God can do the IMPOSSIBLE. Regardless, we WILL be parents one day...whether we are blessed with a biological baby or adopt a baby, we WILL experience the joys of parenthood.

I was extremely sick after the surgery and experienced the WORST nausea EVER. I got sick a few times at the hospital and even after getting home and sleeping a little of the anesthesia off, I still couldn't get up and walk around without feeling sick. I took some medication for the nausea and felt better around 9:30 p.m. and FINALLY had a bowl of soup and crackers...chicken noodle NEVER tasted so good :)

I have four tiny incisions on my belly...two on my left side, one on the right, and one on my bellybutton. The doctors used glue instead of stitches and I am expected to heal without any major scarring. I am EXTREMELY sore and am having a hard time rolling out of the bed to get up. The doctor gave me some pain medication and I am SO thankful for that!

As you can see I am writing this post at a VERY early hour...mainly because I woke up with pain at 2:30 this morning :(

I plan to do a lot of resting and let my hubby and my mother-in-love take care of me. I am so thankful that Dr. Fox was able to do this surgery before our teachers come back on Monday for preplanning. Although I have a TON of work to do to prepare for Monday, there isn't much I can't do from my laptop in my bed :)

Unfortunately, my hubby has to work today, so I asked my mother-in-love to come over and stay with me. She already made me promise her that if I wake up early today I wouldn't go out in the yard and start pulling weeds...HA! I do love gardening :) But, believe me, the pain is so severe, that this girl is not moving an INCH today!!!

Thank you so much for ALL the prayers and encouragement. I truly believe that "if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in Heaven, for where two or three come together in My name, there am I with them."~Matthew 18:19-20

Please continue to lift David and I up with prayers.  We are blessed to have SO many caring family and friends and could never go through this experience without being showered with all the love.

I will post again soon after I talk to the doctor today and get more details on my fallopian tubes.

Have a blessed day...I am already feeling blessed BEYOND measure!!!!

Due Season...

I am having my laproscopy surgery today and couldn't be happier!!

We've been through so many seasons in this journey to grow our own garden....we've had plowing seasons, planting seasons, and watering seasons. Although it's been a long, hard path, without all the seasons, we wouldn't be prepared. I understand now that He was preparing us for the beatiful garden that He has in store for our future.

God promises that our due season of harvest is coming and we are looking forward to seeing every dream and every desire fulfilled.

"I will give you rain in due season, and the land shall yield her increase and the trees of the field yield their fruit."~Leviticus 26:4

Please keep us in your prayers, as well as the doctors that will be performing my surgery.

I'll update my blog after my surgery this week :)

Answers...

I had my pre-op appointment today which basically means that I did a lot of signing papers. I did have the opportunity to sit down with my doctor and ask a few questions about the surgery. To be honest, I didn't really have any questions. I told him that AFTER the surgery I would have a TON of questions.

My doctor asked why I didn't have anything to ask now. I shared with him that I still wasn't convinced that I had Endometreosis. And to my surprise, he said that he was 99.9% positive he would find Endometreosis when he performed the surgery.

I just sat there in amazement! This was the FIRST time in our journey to have a baby that someone told me they were sure this was the answer. Don't get me wrong, he didn't assure me that we would get pregnant after the surgery. But he did tell me that our first step to having a baby is to remove as much of the Endometreosis as possible.

I like the sound of this...ANSWERS!

Come on August 10....I'm ready!