Acceptance...

Out of pure frustration with our quest in becoming parents, I found myself in one of the worst places I have ever been.

In denial.

I am not going to hide the fact that I really began to question why God was blessing so many of my personal friends and bloggy friends with pregnancies, while leaving me with nothing more than my unanswered prayer of becoming a mom. I also became infatuated with trying to figure out what our next step would be in this process...how we could make more money for another procedure, what diet I could get on to help with conceiving, taking vitamins and exercising, and meticulously following up on our Home Study paperwork.

I have been extremely obsessed with becoming a mom that I forgot what my real purpose in life is...to serve, trust, and accept God.

How in the world can I continue to sit here and feel sorry for myself and my situation? Maybe God hasn't planned for me to get pregnant, adopt, or become a mother. Maybe He has a different plan for me. I thought that praying over and over again for what I want instead of praying for acceptance of His plan was the solution.

But after some reflection and deep prayer this past week, I've come to accept that maybe His plan for me is not what I had expected. I have come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best wife that I can be to my husband...to be the person that makes a happy home, cooks dinner each night, and supports my husband 110% in everything he does. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to the best aunt I can to my nephew...to be the person that attends all of his football games and be his biggest cheerleader, to give him advice on what type of flowers he should buy for his first date, or buy him those cool tennis shoes that his parents don't think he really needs. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best assistant principal (and future principal) to the students at my school...to be the person that puts the needs of children first, to ensure that their teachers are the BEST in the district, and provide my studnets with the education that they deserve.

After accepting the fact that I am NOT in control and trusting that God has the best plan for me, I am actually feeling much better about where I am in my life and where I'm going.

I am in full acceptance of His promise to prosper me, not harm me, and ultimately, giving me hope and a future.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."~Jeremiah 29:11

Taking a Break...

I'll be taking a break from this blog for a while and I just wanted to give all of you a heads up. Hopefully I'll be back soon, but I just need some time for reflection.

I need to spend some time reflecting about myself, my relationship with God, my marriage, and my life.

Keep me in your prayers...

If You Want Me To...

Lord, I will walk through the valley...





...if You want me to.

Making Plans...

The DH and I are in the process of making plans for our future.

We are so unsure about what we should do and what God wants us to do.

I ask that you please say a special prayer for us today as we take a leap of faith and move forward with our journey.

We're standing faith that He will direct our paths.

An Uncertain Future...

A coworker sent me a message today that dealt with our future...and how uncertain it is. But the Bible addresses three principles that we can use when facing our future:

1. Set Goals According To God's Direction
2. Live One Day at a Time
3. Don't Procrastinate


It's foolish to make plans without first consulting God. The Bible says, "We may make our plans, but God has the last word." (Proverbs 16:1) In other words, planning without praying is presumption. So we should start by praying, "God, what do YOU want me to do in 2010?"

Most people spend so much time regretting the past and worrying about the future, that they have no time to enjoy today. But Jesus said, "Don't be anxious about tomorrow - God will take care of your tomorrows. Live one day at a time." (Matthew 6:34)

Procrastinating wastes today by postponing things until tomorrow. But we should not "boast about what you're going to do tomorrow, for you don't know what a day may bring forth." (Proverbs 27:1)

So although my future is uncertain, God is certain and He has my trust.

Thoughtful Blogger...

My thoughtful blogger friend Jennifer sent me a very sweet gift in the mail over the holidays. Not only did she send me a CD from her church choir, but she also enclosed this precious ornament...

Can you see what the bottom of the ornament says???

I am SO excited to hang this on our Christmas tree next year. It's just a constant reminder that we ARE parents to be.

Thank you Jennifer, this gift means the WORLD to me :)

Focus on Being Thankful...

I had a really rough week, personally. I sent a message to my best friend and asked her to stop what she was doing and pray for me. Not only did she pray for me, but she sent me about 24 text messages FULL of praise and encouragement.

She is in a Bible Study right now that talked about thanking God for all the things we DO have. We need to focus on being thankful for what we have right now instead of focusing on what we DON'T have. The Lord knows the desires of our hearts...we've already presented those to Him, but instead praise Him for all the things we are thankful for.

I am thankful...

• that I have a church that I adore.
• for a marriage that is strong.
• for a family that loves me unconditionally.
• for the roof over my head.
• for the clothes on my back.
• for a job.
• that I can get up in the morning and walk, see, and hear.
• to have a nice car.
• that I am able to afford electricity, gas, and groceries.
• that I have determination and will to get up each morning and exercise.
• that I am able to have the luxuries of cable, a DVR, and a cell phone.
• for the friendships I have made through blogging.
• for coworkers that love me and respect me.
• that I have a college education.
• for my dog and the way he makes me smile every single day.
  
  

This list could go on and on...

But what I liked about this focus the most, is I didn't realize how blessed I truly am. And I can't tell you how wonderful I felt after mentally listing ALL the things God has already done and is doing in my life.

"We give thanks to you, Lord God Almighty, the One who is and
who was, because you have taken your great power and have begun to reign."~Revelation 11:17

Valentine's Day...

I wanted to share the latest cards on my Greeting Cards for Our Garden site.

All of my cards are sold in sets of four at $8 or $10 a set and come with matching envelopes.

So if you are looking for that special, one of a kind card for your Valentines, friends, or your child's teachers...visit my site and start shopping!!!

Greeting Cards for Our Garden

Enjoy the Journey...

My sweet sweet friend Sarah sent me two CD's that I am in LOVE with. She titled the CD's Songs for the Journey and I canNOT tell you how much they have helped me. I blogged about the song that inspired me the most on the first CD here.

Well, I finally started listening to the second CD and it is JUST as awesome as the first one. Again, the very first song on the CD is my favorite. It's another song by Naomi Carroll entitled Enjoy the Journey.

Here are the lyrics...

Do you ever think God’s given up on you?
When your faith is weak and you question what He can do.
Let me encourage your heart, He knows right where you are He’ll see you through.
Enjoy the journey rest in God’s love
Give Him glory be strong and stand up
For He has given life worth living so until eternity, enjoy the journey.

Be faithful and strong His work in you has begun
Don’t ever give up just hold on to what He has done.
So don’t waste time with your tears and lies by your fears you can go on.
Enjoy the journey rest in God’s love
Give Him glory, be strong and stand up
For He has given life worth living, so until eternity, enjoy the journey.

I know some times this life is hard
And it seems like heaven is so far away but He has promised better days.
Enjoy the journey rest in God’s love
Give Him glory, be strong and stand up
He’s given life worth living so until eternity, enjoy the journey

So until eternity, enjoy the journey.

All I could say was WOW after I heard the song. It spoke directly to my heart. So until eternity, I'll enjoy the journey He's set before me.

You've Gotta Have Faith...

Thank you so much for all the encouraging comments on my last post. Each and every comment gave me the assurance that I am going down the right path...continuing to have FAITH!

God is revealing Himself to me each and every day and I still have this peace about our journey.

Yesterday at church our Pastor discussed mediocrity and how God does NOT want us to live our lives in mediocrity-ville. He wants the VERY best for us and I know the very best is still yet to come.

Then I read Kelly's blog post this morning and I AGAIN got an overwhelming feeling of FAITH!

She encouraged all of us waiting for a child to read Hebrews 11. And although I have probably read this chapter a thousand times over the past four years, it rang even more true in my heart today.

1 "What is faith? It is the confident assurance that what we hope for is going to happen."

6 "So, you see, it is impossible to please God without faith. Anyone who wants to come to Him must believe that there is a God and that He rewards those who sincerely seek Him."

11 "It was by faith that Sarah together with Abraham was able to have a child, even though they were too old and Sarah was barren."

20 "It was by faith that Isaac blessed his two sons, Jacob and Esau. He had confidence in what God was going to do in the future."

39 "All of these people we have mentioned received God's approval because of their faith..."

What more assurance do I need???? You've gotta have FAITH!

He's Hurting Too..

I promised myself that I would have a different outlook on our journey to become parents this new year...and I have.

I've been focusing on praying differently, putting my marriage first, getting healthy, and RELAXING!

It's been a lot easier than I thought it would be. Even today, when I found out that we weren't pregnant (again), I have only had thoughts and feelings of hope knowing that we WILL have children in our future...all we need to do is be patient and wait until His plan is revealed to us.

BUT...

Today was the FIRST day that I honestly realized that our wait for our family doesn't just affect me. My husband is hurting...and probably MORE than I ever thought he could hurt.

In a conversation this morning, not related to pregnancy or trying to conceive, I mentioned that I was not pregnant this month...his reaction to my comment really caught me by surprise. Although I am at peace with waiting (FINALLY), my husband responded by saying..."Why aren't we pregnant? Why is this happening? Something is wrong...very wrong. After all this time, I just don't understand why this is happening."

WOW! I was so surprised to hear this come out of his mouth. After he said how he was feeling, he went to our room, closed the door, and stayed in there for a while alone. I just sat in the living room, shocked by his comments and how raw his feelings were after hearing, yet again, that another month will go by without the baby we are hoping for.

I have spent the past four years trying to find the courage to let go...to understand that this is a journey that I have NO control over. And now thatI think that I've finally reached that level, it never occured to me that this difficult journey isn't just about me...he's hurting too.

The Shack, Revisited...

I started reading William P. Young's The Shack several months ago...but for some reason I put it down and didn't finish it. On New Year's Eve I had a great conversation with a friend that really encouraged me to pick the book back up and get to reading! So on New Year's Day, I took her advice and continued reading where I left off.

For those of you that have already read The Shack, the part where I started back reading was when Mack reached the shack and was getting introduced to its inhabitants. One of the characters Mack meets is Papa (aka God). Papa has MANY great conversations with Mack and quite a few of his words in this chapter really moved me...

"...the Truth shall set you free and the Truth has a name; he's over in the wood-shop right now covered in sawdust. Everything is about him. And freedom is a process that happens inside a relationship with him. Then all that stuff you feel churnin' around inside will start to work its way out."

In this conversation, Papa is referring to Jesus...of course. Mack is at a state where he just doesn't understand why he keeps experiencing heartache and he wants answers to explain his loss. I can so relate to how Mack was feeling at this time...questioning God for the heartache and longing for answers. But what Papa told him is so true...our answers lie with only one person, Jesus.

In another conversation, Papa tells Mack..."When all you can see is your pain, perhaps then you lose sight of me?" After I read that question, I just stopped and realized...through all my worries of trying to have a baby, pleading with God to bring me the desires of my heart, and dwelling in the loss I experienced each and every month...I lost site of God.

I can't tell you how glad I am that my friend encouraged me to revisit The Shack. I am SO looking forward to reading more and finding out how God, Jesus, and The Holy Spirit influence Mack's (and my) feelings!

A New Year and a New Me...

I am really going to get serious about my health and do my best to take care of my body. After all, a healthy body will in turn produce a healthy baby...right? So I've decided to get on a serious diet and excercise program. I want to feel good, be healthy, and get my body prepared for the baby we are asking God for this year.

For starters, today was my LAST day to have caffeine. I don't think caffeine is totally bad for you, unless you are abusing it...which I was :( So no more cokes for me!!! Bring on the caffeine withdrawal headache...I bought a large bottle of Tylenol this afternoon for you!!

My mother-in-love gave us a Wii for Christmas, so I am planning on getting one of the Wii fitness CD's. I have been given recommendations to purchase the Wii Fit Plus and the Wii Biggest Loser.




But, until we get one of those programs, I'll be running every morning and lifting some light weights...after I saw my arms in this picture, I knew I better take some action!!

So 2010 is not only a new year, but the start of a new me!

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, Who is in you, Whom you have received from God? ... So use every part of your body to give glory back to God..." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20