Saturday, January 30, 2010


Out of pure frustration with our quest in becoming parents, I found myself in one of the worst places I have ever been.

In denial.

I am not going to hide the fact that I really began to question why God was blessing so many of my personal friends and bloggy friends with pregnancies, while leaving me with nothing more than my unanswered prayer of becoming a mom. I also became infatuated with trying to figure out what our next step would be in this we could make more money for another procedure, what diet I could get on to help with conceiving, taking vitamins and exercising, and meticulously following up on our Home Study paperwork.

I have been extremely obsessed with becoming a mom that I forgot what my real purpose in life serve, trust, and accept God.

How in the world can I continue to sit here and feel sorry for myself and my situation? Maybe God hasn't planned for me to get pregnant, adopt, or become a mother. Maybe He has a different plan for me. I thought that praying over and over again for what I want instead of praying for acceptance of His plan was the solution.

But after some reflection and deep prayer this past week, I've come to accept that maybe His plan for me is not what I had expected. I have come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best wife that I can be to my be the person that makes a happy home, cooks dinner each night, and supports my husband 110% in everything he does. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to the best aunt I can to my be the person that attends all of his football games and be his biggest cheerleader, to give him advice on what type of flowers he should buy for his first date, or buy him those cool tennis shoes that his parents don't think he really needs. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best assistant principal (and future principal) to the students at my be the person that puts the needs of children first, to ensure that their teachers are the BEST in the district, and provide my studnets with the education that they deserve.

After accepting the fact that I am NOT in control and trusting that God has the best plan for me, I am actually feeling much better about where I am in my life and where I'm going.

I am in full acceptance of His promise to prosper me, not harm me, and ultimately, giving me hope and a future.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."~Jeremiah 29:11


Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

Very well written! It is hard to not be "in control" when my personality is the type who likes to be! Continue to rest in His promises and trust Him!

Allyson said...

Oh Lianna - I am completely right there with you. For almost 3 years now my husband and I have been TTC. I have really struggled with feeling bad for myself. This past summer in our Sunday school class there were 10 pregnancies and I was in complete despair, it just didn't make any sense why God wasn't blessing us with a child. I consider that my lowest point but since then God has really been working in my life the past year and teaching me that I can only gain peace through Him and Him alone.

Praying for you!

Jennifer said...

I know I've told you this before but I want you to know that your strength is nothing short of amazing.

I truly believe in that cross. You and DH ARE Parents To Be!!! Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Now - that is REAL faith - Faith in what God has for you - not what you think you need or want..
Real faith is trusting in God no matter what - not just trusting Him to bring you what you think He wants for you! You are a mature wise woman! God has used this in your life to bring you here! How exciting to see what comes next!

Fabiola said...

Dear Lianna, I am really happy I found your post today.
As I wote you before, I haven't strugle with the infertility issues, but since I have the miscarriage, I have been in denial and I am trying to understand why I was chosen to have the miscarriage the way it was, with so many wait and so many dispair.

Thank you again for being so open.


Kendra said...

Wow...I am so impressed with your strength of character. May God bless you RICHLY for your desire to trust in Him alone.