Out of pure frustration with our quest in becoming parents, I found myself in one of the worst places I have ever been.
I am not going to hide the fact that I really began to question why God was blessing so many of my personal friends and bloggy friends with pregnancies, while leaving me with nothing more than my unanswered prayer of becoming a mom. I also became infatuated with trying to figure out what our next step would be in this process...how we could make more money for another procedure, what diet I could get on to help with conceiving, taking vitamins and exercising, and meticulously following up on our Home Study paperwork.
I have been extremely obsessed with becoming a mom that I forgot what my real purpose in life is...to serve, trust, and accept God.
How in the world can I continue to sit here and feel sorry for myself and my situation? Maybe God hasn't planned for me to get pregnant, adopt, or become a mother. Maybe He has a different plan for me. I thought that praying over and over again for what I want instead of praying for acceptance of His plan was the solution.
But after some reflection and deep prayer this past week, I've come to accept that maybe His plan for me is not what I had expected. I have come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best wife that I can be to my husband...to be the person that makes a happy home, cooks dinner each night, and supports my husband 110% in everything he does. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to the best aunt I can to my nephew...to be the person that attends all of his football games and be his biggest cheerleader, to give him advice on what type of flowers he should buy for his first date, or buy him those cool tennis shoes that his parents don't think he really needs. I've come to accept that maybe it is in His plan for me to be the best assistant principal (and future principal) to the students at my school...to be the person that puts the needs of children first, to ensure that their teachers are the BEST in the district, and provide my studnets with the education that they deserve.
After accepting the fact that I am NOT in control and trusting that God has the best plan for me, I am actually feeling much better about where I am in my life and where I'm going.
I am in full acceptance of His promise to prosper me, not harm me, and ultimately, giving me hope and a future.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."~Jeremiah 29:11