I am on an emotional rollercoaster and just can't seem to get off of the ride!!!
I re-read a post by my friend Amy from Chapters and it truly spoke about exactly how I am feeling lately.
This infertility journey has been WAY more than I ever thought it could be or would be. There has NEVER been a time in my life where I haven't succeeded. I can remember all the successes in my life...from becoming a cheerleader in 8th grade, to being awarded the highest ranking officer on my dance team my senior year, to obtaining my Masters Degree and landing as an assistant principal at an AWESOME school, to finding the love of my life and getting married. But the SINGLE most thing that I want the MOST is absolutely out of my control. I can't take gymnastics, enroll in more dance classes, study, apply for a job, or go out on a date...none of which will help me have a baby...there is nothing I can do to obtain the ONE success that is just within my reach.
I see women getting pregnant all around me and just wonder "When will it be our turn?". "When will the Lord give us a baby?"
I am SO happy for all the people I know that have been blessed with children or are pregnant right now. I know it sounds silly because most people would think that I am jealous or resentful that I am not pregnant. But I don't feel that way at all. I know how precious a baby is and when I see someone that I care for FINALLY receive that wonderful news, it just gives me the hope that it CAN happen for us.
But, no matter what I do or how I feel, I am still left with the same question...."When Lord, when?"