Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...

As I sat and watched Willie Wonka tonight, I couldn't help but see the similarities between Charlie and our infertility. I know...this sounds REALLY weird, but stay with me :)

The Golden Ticket.
A Baby.

There is absolutely nothing more in this world that Charlie desires more than to receive a golden ticket.
There is absolutely nothing more in this world that we desire more than to have a baby.

As little Charlie receives a Wonka Bar for his birthday, he slowly begins to open it. Hoping to find that beautiful golden ticket under the wrapper. He opens the candy bar ever so slowly and then finally rips the last piece of paper off of the candy to reveal...no golden ticket.
We anticipate the day each month when it is time to take a pregnancy test. To reveal...no pregnancy.

Charlie watches in anticipation as one by one, the golden tickets are being discovered.
We watch in anticipation as one by one, our friends and family receive their baby miracles.

Although Charlie and his family have absolutely no money, his grandfather gives him his last coin to purchase another Wonka Bar. The anxiety reaches an all time high as Charlie and his grandfather open the candy bar. Unfortunately, Charlie's excitement comes crumbling down as yet again, their is no golden ticket to be found.
We use all of our extra money on either fertility medications or for the adoption process. After each stressful attempt, our excitement comes crumbling down as yet again, we are still not parents.

Charlie was walking home from school and as fate would have it, he comes across a $10 bill in the snow. He ran immediately to a candy store and used the money to purchase another Wonka Bar. Against all the odds, Charlie stares in amazement at the shiney golden ticket he finds inside the candy bar.
We pray every day that God will grant us our miracle of a baby.

I told you...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is VERY similar to infertility.

Christmas Traditions...

I am participating in Kelly's Show Us Your Life: Christmas Traditions Edition.

I have a few traditions that I'd like to start once we have children of our own, but we do have some traditions that we've kept up with since childhood and a few that we've started since we were married.

First, my sisters and I always get new Christmas pajamas to wear on Christmas Eve.

We even get the boys to participate too!

The DH with his golfing Santa PJ's.

Dad with his Christmas penguins PJ's.

Second, David and I always take pics of Kodi with either his Christmas collar or next to his stocking.

This was in 2006...can you believe how little Kodi was??? He has a little baby face :)

This was in 2007...I thought this pic turned out cool with his little Santa hat on!

This was last year.

Last but not least, we enjoy riding around town on Christmas Eve looking at Christmas lights. Sometimes we'll ride in my parents golfcart and other times we've just piled into the back of Dad's truck.

Overall, I think Christmas is a time to love, make memories, and enjoy being a family.

If you'd like to see more Christmas Traditions, go and visit all the posts on Kelly's Korner!

Christmas Door Sneak Preview...

I started working on our Christmas decorations today. I thought I'd give you a little sneak preview for the 2nd Annual Christmas Door Tour...

Please come back on December 10th to see more of my Christmas door and to share pics of YOUR door! If you plan on participating, snag the Christmas Door Tour button and post it on your blog!

<br /><center><a href="http://growingourowngarden.blogspot.com/2009/10/2nd-annual-christmas-door-tour.html"><img src="http://i491.photobucket.com/albums/rr278/liannap1/ChristmasDoorTour-3-1.jpg" /></a></center><br /><br />

Covetousness...

I was researching the story of Hannah this morning and although I have read her story many many times, I came across a site that really made me reflect on my desires to have a child.

This is a quote from the site...

"Our lives often seem incomplete. We want something very much, and we don't seem to be able to be content without it. Some times this lack of contentment is what the Bible calls covetousness--wanting something other than what God has ordained for us. Some times, however, God is giving us a desire for something in His will, and even though we have the desire, God has not yet given us what He wants to give us."

I was taken aback by the use of the word covet. I have always been taught that the word covet was negative. I mean, it is written in one of the 10 Commandments...Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife...so I thought I should read more into what to covet means.

The dictionary describes covetous as inordinately or wrongly desirous of wealth or possessions; greedy.

The Bible dictionary describes covetousness as a strong desire after the possession of worldly things.

I think the questions that really bother me most are...is the desire for what others have wrong because that leads to attempts to steal the possessions of others, or is it rather that such desire is wrong in and of itself? Is coveting a possession the same as coveting a child? Is it wrong to have the desire to become a parent?

Another site followed up with this strong conclusion...

"It is good to ask God to take care of the problem that is making us discontent, but to do so understanding that He may have a different plan in mind. Whether He says yes or no to our request, we need patience. God will act in His own time frame, not ours. When God says yes to our requests, He does so in order for us to be better servants for Him. That means that we should be ready to offer back to Him the gift He has given to us. He gave it to us to glorify Himself, not to satisfy our selfish desires."

Therefore, I think that Hannah was right on track when she begged God time and time again to make her a mother, but only after promising that she would give back her son to God. Although she coveted the image of herself as a mother, she understood that the image would only be granted if it was God's will.

Be Still...

We are in that transitional period where we are standing still.

Our home study is complete and waiting. Our fertility treatments are on hold until we can save more money. And although I know this is JUST a transitional period, it seems like an eternity.

I must admit that the holidays are the worst time for people suffering from infertility. But I'm trying to make sure that I spend the holidays being thankful, enjoying family and friends, and praising God for the wonderful blessings I do have...instead of sitting still and dwelling on what I don't have.


God said, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth" in Psalm 46:10.

So I'm choosing to be still...to quietly wait, to patiently listen, and to trust that this transitional period will soon me over.

Verses that Lift You Up...

I have a few verses that I always go back to for inspiration, meditation, and for the most part...just to lift me up!

Here are just a few of the verses I rely on...

Isaiah 58:11
And the Lord shall guide you continually and satisfy you in drought. And you shall be like a watered garden.

Joshua 1:9
I command you--be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

Psalm 37:4
Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires.

Psalm 119:35
Make me walk along the path of Your commands, for that is where my happiness is found.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will direct your paths.

Proverbs 4:25
Look straight ahead, and fix your eyes on what lies before you.

Isaiah 26:19
Yet we have this assurance: Those who belong to God will live; their bodies will rise again!

What verse or verses do you rely on to lift you up????

Moving Mountains...

I would say that I am an "outdoor" kind of girl. I enjoy swimming, going to the beach, camping, and working in my yard. But I don't really like hiking. Well, to be honest, I've never tried it. But from what I've seen of hiking...walking on unstable grounds, carrying a huge backpack on your back, and treking uphill...just doesn't seem appealing to me.

But, as I reflect on our journey to become parents, hiking is very similar to infertility.

Throughout this journey of infertility we have been walking on unstable grounds...every two weeks, we monitor my ovulation, we wait for two more weeks, we get our hopes up that we could be pregnant, just to discover that once again, we are not. Then the unstability starts all over again like a vicious cycle.

We carry this huge backpack on our backs...it's called infertility. We feel as if every single thing we do revolves around having children. What will next month hold for us? How will we pay for this treatment? Will a birthmother choose us? When will it be our turn?

We are treking uphill...over this mountain we call infertility. It is a long, hard path that seems to take forever. We are exhausted and the end seems no where in sight.

But, we have one constant throughout this journey...God. He CAN move mountains. He can move OUR mountain.

So although I may not LIKE hiking...I am a hiker. I am choosing to hike this mountain called infertility and trusting in Him to make my ground stable, to carry that weight on my back, and push me over that mountain.

"I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."~Matthew 17:20

Enhance Your Dreams....

Divine Caroline is hosting a contest where you can enhance your dreams and win $5000 in the process!!! Please click on the button below and make your proclamation TODAY!!!

All I Want for Christmas...

Dear Santa,

I have been a very good girl this year. The Christmas wish list I have prepared this year is VERY short, but worth more than anything I have EVER asked for before.

All I want for Christmas is...

...to decorate a nursery.

...to buy sweet little baby clothes.

...to share the news with our family and friends.

...to hang another stocking on our mantel.

So dear sweet Santa, will you please leave a BABY underneath my Christmas tree this year?

Thank you,

Starbucks Giveaway WINNER!!!

Congratulations to the winner of the Starbucks Giftbasket Giveaway...

Random Integer Generator
Here are your random numbers:4
Timestamp: 2009-11-17 21:55:11 UTC

Hannah at Life Happens!!!!

Hannah please email me at Liannap@aol.com with your mailing address and I'll get your basket shipped out to you this weekend!

Thanks to everyone that participated! I loved reading all the responses :)

Stay Warm...

My sister has started selling these AWESOME fleece blankets. I think they would make EXCELLENT Christmas gifts or a little something for yourself to help keep you warm.

Check out all the adorable patterns:

Zebra and Pink

Christmas Green and Red

My personal favorite, Black Plaid and Hot Pink

Cheetah and Chocolate

The cost of each blanket is $35 and the shipping is FREE!!! Please leave me a comment if you are interested in one of the blankets shown above or if you would like a custom-made blanket.

But more importantly, stay warm!!!

Becoming...

My dear friend Sarah, sent me the sweetest surprise this past week. Not only did the package include a sweet letter FULL of encouraging words, but it also contained two CD's. Sarah titled the CD's, Songs for the Journey. And after listening to a few of the songs, I can't think of a better title.

The first song on one of the CD's is "Becoming" by Naomi Carroll. As soon as I heard the first verse, I realized that God was speaking to me...and He always knows what I need. Here are the words to the first verse...

I am letting go of my ways,

finally letting go after all these years.

And as myself is dying,

Jesus is trying to come through.

God tell me why I'm hurting.

Does this mean that I'm healing?

This painful trip I'm taking, will it be over soon?

Will it be over soon?

I have become, comfortably numb.

But You said it's not what I was, but what I am becoming,

that's how You see me.

Not who I hope to be,

but who I am.

I was afraid to walk,

but now I'm running,

to who I am becoming.

I think I have listened to this song about 10 times already. It just speaks directly to my heart and who I am becoming because of this journey.

Lessons Learned...

Over the past four years I feel as if I have experienced MORE than the 36 years I have been alive...

PATIENCE

SADNESS

FAITH

DOUBT

COURAGE

FRUSTRATION

TRUST

FORGIVENESS

PAIN

STRENGTH

But the greatest lesson I have learned is LOVE.

"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him." ~1 John 4:16

Greeting Cards for Our Garden...

I have some of my Christmas Cards uploaded on my site, Greeting Cards for Our Garden. All of the cards are handmade and come in sets of four with matching envelopes and cost $10 a set. All the proceeds from our card sells go toward our Baby/Adoption Fund...so please stop by and take a look.

Here are a few of my favorites...

More Christmas Cards will be coming soon...so stop by Greeting Cards for Our Garden!

Help Us Win $5000!!!!!

Please visit the button on the right and help us win $5000 to put toward our Baby/Adoption Fund!

Make a Proclamation and be entered to win $5,000 to pursue your dream! Enter daily and bring friends to increase your chances of winning. There are weekly prizes too. No purchase necessary.

View >>

And PLEASE visit our Starbuck's Givaway by clicking this LINK!! A winner will be posted this weekend :)

Starbuck's Christmas GIVEAWAY!!

I have been so overwhelmed by all the encouragement, prayers, and sweet comments that all of my bloggy friends have given me through our journey to becoming parents. On days when I am at my lowest and feel that I just can't go on, I can always depend on YOU to lift me up. So in honor of all you wonderful bloggy friends...I'd like to do a giveaway!!!

What is the prize????

A Starbucks Winter Warm Up Gift Basket!!!

This package includes:

12 oz Travel Mug

6.5 oz Doubleshot Coffee Drink

9.5 oz Bottled Mocha Frappuccino

Box of Starbucks Select Key Lime Cookies

Package of Starbucks Selects White chocolate & Raspberry Cookies

2.5 oz House BlendCoffee

How can you be the lucky winner?

Leave me a comment letting me know WHO you'll be snuggling up with this Christmas when you drink this coffee

Click here to see the entire Giveaway Blog Hop List....

When Love Takes You In...

If you have five minutes, check out this song from Steven Curtis Chapman.

I'm pretty sure I found it for a reason...

Fall Decoration Flub...UPDATE!

I was holding out to show you guys the latest addition to our Fall Decorations. It finally came in yesterday and I could not WAIT to put it up!! Unfortunately, it didn't turn out as cute as I thought it was going to :(

Check it out...

It just isn't as BIG as I thought it was going to be and the rust color turned out to be more of a screaming "ORANGE."

I'm not giving up though. I think I'm going to add some fall leaves to the mantel and maybe put some of my large canisters on either side and see how it turns out...but as of today, this is my fall decoration flub :(

UPDATE!!!

So this mantel was drving me CRAZY!!! I even had nightmares about it last night...I AM a little OCD :) So I got up this morning and rearranged, searched in my craft closet, tried some different ideas, and this is how my mantel turned out now...

Not sure why the wording is blurry in these pics...maybe I need a new camera :(

Better...not perfect, but BETTER!!!

Show Us Your Life---Thanksgiving Traditions and Recipes...

I am participating in Kelly's Show Us Your Life--Thanksgiving Traditions and Recipes.

I must say that the biggest HIT at our Thanksgiving Dinner is not the turkey...it's the dessert, specifically, Watergate Salad.

Here is the recipe:

1 (3.5-ounce) package instant pistachio pudding mix

1 (8-ounce) can pineapple , drained

2/3 cup chopped pecans

1 1/3 cups miniature marshmallows

1 (8-ounce) container non-dairy whipped topping

Mix all together and pour into a decorative serving dish.
Chill well and serve cold.
Makes 6 to 8 servings.

One of our biggest traditions is an oldie, but still a goodie. My sister and I always pull apart the turkey wishbone. Who ever gets the largest piece has good luck for the entire year!!!

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

God's Will...

I am telling you guys that God works in ways that is most of the time so hard for me to comprehend...but shouldn't it be?

Here was my daily devotional today from Joel and Victoria Osteen...

"Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus"~Thessalonians 5:18

Are you giving thanks in every circumstance? This might seem like a stretch at first, especially when you are going through a season of difficulty. But notice today's verse doesn't say to give thanks "for" everything, it says give thanks "in" everything. In other words, no matter what's going on, find something to be thankful for. Don't just focus on what's wrong in your life; focus on what God will do in your life!

When you are thankful, it opens the door for God to move on your behalf. That's why it says "this is God's will for you." He wants you to be close to Him and receive His strength and power by giving thanks.

Today, have the attitude that says, "God, in spite of what's happened, I choose to be grateful. I may be sick, but Father, thank You for being my healer. Thank you for giving me great friends and family." Or, "I may be struggling in my marriage, but God, thank You for being my restorer. Thank You for giving me another sunrise." As you give thanks in everything, you will see God's hand move mightily on your behalf. Before long, you'll come out of that difficulty better, stronger, and wiser than before!

Talk about MEANT for me...AMEN to that!!

It's Amazing...

I have connected with a new blogger friend named "N" who has experienced the infertility journey and finally decided to adopt two years ago. She is in the process of adopting another baby now and has been a blessing to me as we are exploring this option. She is actually traveling to Jax this weekend and I am SO looking forward to meeting with her, seeing her little girl, and hearing her story.

Ever since "N" first contacted me, I have been inspired by her words, advice, and opinions. To know that there is someone out there that truly understands and gets it, gives me a peace that I have really been searching for.

It's amazing how God puts the right people in your path at just the right time...isn't it?

When Lord, when?

I am on an emotional rollercoaster and just can't seem to get off of the ride!!!

I re-read a post by my friend Amy from Chapters and it truly spoke about exactly how I am feeling lately.

This infertility journey has been WAY more than I ever thought it could be or would be. There has NEVER been a time in my life where I haven't succeeded. I can remember all the successes in my life...from becoming a cheerleader in 8th grade, to being awarded the highest ranking officer on my dance team my senior year, to obtaining my Masters Degree and landing as an assistant principal at an AWESOME school, to finding the love of my life and getting married. But the SINGLE most thing that I want the MOST is absolutely out of my control. I can't take gymnastics, enroll in more dance classes, study, apply for a job, or go out on a date...none of which will help me have a baby...there is nothing I can do to obtain the ONE success that is just within my reach.

I see women getting pregnant all around me and just wonder "When will it be our turn?". "When will the Lord give us a baby?"

I am SO happy for all the people I know that have been blessed with children or are pregnant right now. I know it sounds silly because most people would think that I am jealous or resentful that I am not pregnant. But I don't feel that way at all. I know how precious a baby is and when I see someone that I care for FINALLY receive that wonderful news, it just gives me the hope that it CAN happen for us.

But, no matter what I do or how I feel, I am still left with the same question...."When Lord, when?"

Decorating for Fall...

I was SO sad to see the Halloween decorations come down yesterday. I am starting to think that I enjoy Halloween almost as much as Christmas!!

Luckily, some of my Halloween decorations stay out through Thanksgiving though. Here are a few pics of our fall decorations...

I am LOVING this apothecary jar. I put a few fall leaves and pinecones inside for decorations. If you look in the background, you'll see a few of my Halloween pumpkins still lurking around.

I purchased this Thanksgiving sign last year from an Etsy Store and decided to hang it in our hallway this year. I am SO thankful for my friends and family.

I placed one of our little pumpkins on our birdbath and added some cornstalks to the flowerbed.


I think my little fall pilgrim is pretty cute...I wish my mums would bloom again :(

I rearranged our pumpkins and then put up a new pumpkin wall hanger.

I have one more awesome decoration that I'll share later when I get it hung up...it is ADORABLE so come back for the big reveal!!!

Oh, if you want to enter my SO Thankful Giveaway...click the button on my top right sidebar!

2nd Annual Christmas Door Tour...

Last year I created the Christmas Door Tour and couldn't wait to post the button for the 2nd annual event.

The Christmas Door Tour is a time for everyone to post and share pictures of their front door Christmas decorations.

Please snag my button if you plan to a participate and get ready to see some Christmas inspired front doors...

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