Saturday, September 12, 2009

Breaking Down and Getting Back Up...

Last night I finally had the break down that I KNEW was coming. I didn't cry at all on Wednesday when we got the negative results, and really only shed a few tears on Thursday, but I let it all loose last night. My poor DH...I was a basket case!!! I thought about posting a picture of my swollen eyes this morning (because I look SCARY), but I do have SOME modesty :)


We had a great talk about our journey and how having a baby has changed everything in our lives...our focus, our relationship, and our relationship with others. Unfortunately, our journey has impacted all of these things in a negative way. We are stressed, frustrated, exhausted, and all of this is taking a toll on our marriage.


So we made a promise to put our focus back on US!!! Our 4th wedding anniversary is next week and what better timing than NOW to make a change. We are traveling back to Destin for a long weekend of enjoying one another and remembering why God put us on this earth.


We also made some decisions on what our next steps will be in this journey of growing our own garden. So although it was a bad break down, I'm getting back up and moving on.

19 comments:

Leslee said...

Oh how I can relate! Check out my blog...you'll see what I'm talking about. Found your blog MONTHS ago & I thought it was you but your info said Florida so I thought NO WAY! Happy Anniversary! I say a prayer for yall. Infertilty is the worst.

Cassie_lu said...

Continued prayers to you and DH. You and he are very blessed to have each other and my God's love and comfort hug ya'll both.

Megan said...

It's good to let it all out once in awhile. Glad you were able to have the needed release and are now looking forward in your journey as well as re-focusing on you and your DH.

Jennifer said...

Lianna~ I am so sorry. Praying for you today!

Many hugs and prayers!!

Candi said...

infertility can take a toll on your entire life. the important thing is that you have each other to laugh, cry, and pray with.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry and can relate to this so closely. IF is such an ugly threat to our lives and marriages. God has allowed this into our lives for some reason. We may never know why, but we can't let it ruin us! happy early anniversary!!

Sara Renee said...

Happy Anniversary!! Our 3 year wedding anniversary is on the 29th! I so wish good things for you two! You will find your way, I just know it! God is with you both!!! Have fun on your vacation!!

2 little Boys said...

I am praying for you daily, I am so sorry that the results didn't change. Try to keep moving forward into God's loving plan for you and your husband and enjoy your anniversary.

Daily laying it at the Master's feet!
Laura Ann

Heather said...

I am praying! Infertility really took a toll on my husband and I, too. Honestly, I'm not sure we have recovered from it yet....it just devastates your relationships. Keep clinging to God and each other!

Heather said...

Oh, Lianna, your post brings back so many memories. I continue to keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Do remember to take time for yourselves as well as each other & please know that everything happens in God's timing. Only He knows the plan He has for you.

PS - Sending something to you. Been praying about it for a while. Plan on mailing Monday.

Lori said...

I am so sorry about your negative result. I hope and pray the Lord leads you as you make decisions about your next step in this. It is so easy to put all your focus on infetility instead of all the other things that need your focus also. I can relate to that. I hope that you will have a great getaway, and a wonderful anniversary! My heart breaks for your heartache.

WaitingandHoping said...

Thinking about you right now Lianna and praying God wraps His arms of love and comfort around you.

Lisa said...

Lianna--

I know how you are feeling right now. I am praying you will enjoy your time together in Destin.

Lisa :)

Queen Bee said...

There must be something to this. I have read a couple of blogs this weekend and it seems that our infertility issues are taking a toll. Take care of yourself and have a great time in Destin.
Missy

Niki said...

Oh my dear...

I have been in your shoes. Reading your blog is similar to reading my journals from that time. I know that ache, that desperation. My heart ached for a child. I was willing to do whatever it took to have one - and it almost cost me my marriage.

When I jumped off the infertility rollercoaster, I thought I would never be a mom. God had other plans for me, as he does for you.

They told us it would be a 2 year wait for a newborn. I wanted to be a mom by 30 (7/7/77). That was 9 months to the day we mailed in our adoption application. There was simply NO way that would happen. NO WAY!

But it did.

We finished our paperwork in 4 months. Were matched with a birthmom 2 months later, and our beautiful (light of my soul) daughter was born 2 months later.

She was born 3 weeks before I turned 30. I've emailed you before a little about our journey, but it seems like you are in a pivotal point and so I wanted to share the story of how God brought S to us. Even if I had delivered her myself, she would still be S. God chose us to be her parents - and she found our way to us. It wasn't the way I wanted, but what do I know?

Just because it doesn't go exactly like YOU planned, doesn't mean that there are blessings hidden under the hurt. They are there. God knows.

May you find peace in this journey. Feel free to contact me again if you want/need more information.

Bless you,
Niki

Sarah said...

Lianna, just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you today.

noahandlylasmommi said...

(((hugs)))

ACC-mom said...

I am so sorry for your struggles....I went through it for three years and I KNOW how it all can take a toll on your life/marriage. I am glad you are taking a weekend and making it all about you two.

Jess said...

My husband and I are facing the same battle...I have felt like I put all this focus on being the couple that can't have a baby and forgot about being a couple first. So much so that we have decided to put treatments on hold after 2 years of trying because I don't think our marriage could take much more...I think a weekend away is a great idea...I hope that it gives you both time to find each other again!