Thursday, September 24, 2009

Being Honest...

I have to be honest and say that I had a rough day yesterday. I am not sure exactly what set me off, I just think it was one of "those" days and it was hard for me to control my emotions.


I have never felt that this journey we are experiencing was a mistake. I think there is a reason why God wants us to travel this road and have a longing for a child. How sweet the victory will be when His plan is revealed!!!


But I really felt as if life was so unfair yesterday. I just kept thinking about just how MUCH I really want to be a mother, how I want to see my DH holding our precious baby, and how our parents will spoil this baby rotten! I know deep down that God has the perfect plan with the perfect baby picked out just for us, but it's so hard waiting for that plan to be revealed.


It was a low of desperation and frustration and I am just TIRED! I literallly had to sit in my car for a good 30 minutes and compose myself before I went into work. But, I did. And I had a busy day. And it got better as the day went on.


But I am just being honest when I say that this is the hardest journey I have EVER traveled!!

9 comments:

Grace said...

You have traveled a hard road so far. Of course there is a reason God is having you travel it. Wouldn't it be wonderful if he shared that with you? But we know that isn't always his way. I know you will make the best mommy... praying for you always. I sent you a tweet asking for your email... I have something extra to share. Hugs

2 little Boys said...

I am so sorry that you had a hard day, I totally understand where you are right now and I can only pray tht God gives VICTORY over infertility soon. I pray for you and your DH every day that the Father will guide you through this journey and gives you strength to face each day until a little one lays in your arms.

Daily laying it at the Master's feet!
Laura Ann

Jennifer said...

hey lianna, I'm sorry you had a bad day yesterday. I had a moment yesterday when I thought about my 97 year old great grandmother (my only grandparent) and how much I would love to make her a great great grandmother. and to be honest, time is definately not on our side, so I had a break down too.

N and M said...

My heart aches for you. Listen to your heart and pray, pray, pray. God knows. You will know what to do. I would venture a guess that you already know...

I'm here if you need me.

noahandlylasmommi said...

(((hugs))) although our journey's have been a little different I can totally relate when you said it has been THE hardest. It is so hard when the longing you have is so strong and deep and nothing will fill that void. I am praying for you friend. I just know God has good things in store for you and your husband.

Leslee said...

I wish I could give you a hug. How I know you're feelings all too well. Hope you are having a better day today. Hopefully this journey will not last much longer. :)

Jess said...

I have days like that too, and they are not fun! {{{HUGS}}} Praying that your arms are filled soon and those days are a thing of the past.

Cathy said...

I don't know why God has chosen to such good people to travel this path but I have to believe there is a reason and a light at the end of the tunnel. On my way home today, I saw the most gorgeous rainbow...funny, it hadn't even rained where I was but this beauty was huge! It has to be a sign of better things to come. Don't give up, sweetie! It's closer than ever, I just know it!

Anonymous said...

Although I have never been in your position and we are blessed with three wonderful children... I can hear the pain in your words.... I can pray for you and DH for God to wrap His arms around you a provide only the comfort He can... I do know that God has a purpose for everything He allows us to endure and none of what we endure can even begin to touch on what Christ endured for us.... I read your blog on a regular basis and continue to lift you to God for His plan and that you may both receive it whole heartedly.... maybe God's plan is for someone else through you ... you maybe touching someones life you didn't even know you did... please please keep your faith and please know that Houston has prayers going up daily for you.... much love Vonda Atchley (I did anonymous b/c I don't have the other options)