After many prayers (and reading Hannah's Hope, Chapter 5 a million times), I decided to let this person know how I felt. I wrote a very sincere email and shared my feelings. Here is a snipet of what I wrote:
I recently bought a book called Hannah's Hope: Seeking God's Heart in the Midst of Infertility. Hannah in the Bible had a hard time having a baby. Hannah prayed and prayed for a son and even promised God that she would give him up, if she could only be a mother. When God finally blessed her with a son, she did as she promised and gave him back to the Lord. The book tells of how Hannah felt, her relationship with others, and how she overcame infertility. I got home yesterday and immediately found my book and began to read Chapter 5: Put Yourself in My Shoes (Before You Put Your Foot in Your Mouth). It talks about how well-meaning friends and family members can make it even more challenging by saying and doing things that can hurt. It goes on to say that people who haven't walked in our shoes have no idea of the depths to which we grieve and experience anger and hopelessness while trying to have a baby. It also says that when appropriate circumstances present themselves with friends and family who are open to listening, take time to lovingly explain how and why you are made uncomfortable or upset. So I am taking this opportunity to share with you about how this made me feel on Mother's Day. I do wish though that on occasion you would consider what I might be feeling and experiencing before you send me pictures like that...especially on Mother's Day. Please be patient with me. I do not want you to feel like you can't say anthying to me or share things from your heart, but at the same time, I am sensitive...and I can't make any excuses for that.
I have faith that I will be blessed with a baby...whether by getting pregnant or through adoption. I know that God has BIGGER and BETTER things planned for me after this journey. He is just teaching me how to be more sensitive, appreciative, and to learn how precious a life really is. I want you to understand how I feel, although it is something that you may never fully understand. But above all, please keep me in your ongoing prayers. And every now and then, email me, call me, or drop me a note in the mail just to remind me that you are praying for me.
Those of you that have read Hannah's Hope, know that I pulled a lot of information from the book. It is SUCH a great book!
I feel a lot better now that I have sent this email and am so glad that I sought God's direction as how to handle my feelings. Again, thanks for sharing your thoughts on how you would react and please keep praying for me as I go through this journey.
9 comments:
Glad that you feel good about your decision. I said a prayer for you this morning and will pray again for you tonight.
I am so PROUD of you Lianna!
This is my first stop to your blog. I didn't experience infertility, but my first baby was stillborn just before Mother's Day 13 years ago and my precious only son went Home to Heaven unexpectedly in February, just weeks before his 8th birthday. I still have my sweet almost 12 year old daughter here on Earth with me but Mother's Day isn't a happy day for me. It hasn't been since our first daughter's death and now it just hurts that much more. I know I will be with all of my children on the other side someday but I want to be a joyfull mother of all of my children, loving them all here. I know God has bigger plans and I rejoice in and accept that but I'm still sad. While I haven't walked in your shoes, I do understand how hurtful days like Mother's Day can be and how insensitive people can be. I felt that Sunday on so many different fronts. You are in my prayers and for what it's worth, I fully support that you respectfully shared your feelings with the person that hurt you on Mother's Day. Hang in there.
Way to go...it all makes sense now. I have to admire your restraint and kindness...I don't know that I could be that considerate. Can't wait for tonight!
Love you!
Hi! Thank you for leaving such a sweet comment on my blog. I caught up on yours and will definitely be praying for you.
I've never heard of Hannah's Hope. I'll have to check it out!
I stumbled upon your blog today too from the Riggs blog...I only glanced through a bit of your blog and recognized so much of my "old" pain in your writing. We tried for 5 years before we adopted my daughter. Although I haven't forgotten the heartache, I can tell you that it is a distant memory now.
I haven't had a chance to read whether you have considered adoption or not - but I am also in FL and know of a great agency in Jacksonville. Its called a Bundle of Hope and some friends of mine became a family through them. (We went through someone else for S, but will go through them for the next one!)
I'm here to chat if you want to and know of good docs a little south of you.
N
Lianna,
I've been following your blog for quite a while but haven't commented often if at all. Today I felt compelled to let you know that I will keep you in my prayers, and that I am glad you were able to express your feelings to this person. People just don't understand how many things can trigger pain when they haven't been through a similar situation. I still remember a time several years ago, while we were on our infertility journey, that a co-worker came up to my desk and shoved an ultrasound picture under my nose of his preborn daughter. He was just excited, and wanted to share, but had no idea how it would affect me...all I could do was push it away and start to cry. Oversensitive? Maybe. But sometimes that's just how it is.
Hang in there. God has big plans for you. You have my prayers :-)
Becky
Lianna, this letter was SO beautifully written. As a woman who has experienced first hand the pain of infertility, I am happy that you shared those feelings with this friend. I pray that this person takes your words to heart and from now on only says/does things that will build you up and encourage you.
You will be an amazing mother....keep your heart focused on the One who is leading you on this journey.
Praying for you!
Your note was well-thought and came across perfectly. Had I been on the receiving end of this letter I would not have jumped into defensive mode which is good. I commend you for your choice and I think you did it perfectly.
Post a Comment