Monday, May 11, 2009

I Need Your Help and Advice...

Okay ladies...I really need your help and Godly-advice on a situation that I have been praying on the past two days. Here's the deal...

I recently received something (sorry for being so vague, but I don't want to give out too much information just yet) that truly made my heart hurt. Those of you that are experiencing the ups and downs of infertility know that the WORST holiday EVER is Mother's Day (and Father's Day, for all of your hubbies too). Well, I chose to spend this special holiday with my mom...for several reasons: 1) Because I think she is the BEST mom of ALL times, 2) I knew it would make her day to have all of her girls together on her special day, and 3) To be in a safe place on the ONE holiday that is sometimes unbearable!

Those people that are closest to me, know and understand how I feel, as well as know what would and wouldn't be appropriate to say or do in my presence on Mother's Day. Unfortunately, I received something that really hurt my heart from someone that SHOULD know how I feel...and on Mother's Day no less. As soon as I got home, I picked up a book that I read not too long ago called Hannah's Hope and turned immediately to Chapter 5: Put Yourself in My Shoes (Before you Put your Foot in Your Mouth). I read it at least TWICE to try and understand why people can be so...insensitive.

Long story short, I need your help and advice on how I should respond. Here are a few scenarios that have been playing around in my head.

A. Do nothing. Know that God has a plan for us and that it is unfortunate that I received this something.

B. Share with this person how much this truly hurt me, especially on a holiday when my emotions are already on edge.

C. Express my true feelings at how HATEFUL I think this gesture was and that I cannot understand how someone could be so unthoughtful.

What do you think? A, B, or C?

I have decided to sleep on it tonight. I will pray about it until I fall asleep, pray some more when I wake up, and look forward to seeing your suggestions tomorrow.

22 comments:

Amanda Mae said...

While I don't know what this something is, I can just imagine the emotions you are feeling. Yesterday, I just wanted to stay in bed all day, not go out and see all of the Mother's Day advertisements and wish the day away. People can be extremely insensitive about this. On Friday, before leaving work, I told someone "Happy Mother's Day" and they said it right back (I guess as a reflex answer) and then said "oh, sorry, you don't have children...yet". I wanted to be like, no, and thanks for the reminder. And just like in your situation, this person KNOWS what I've been and continue to go through. My first instinct would be option C. But of course I wouldn't do that (I would vent that to my husband though), and go with option A. At the same time, people need to understand that it's NOT ok..especially those who supposedly care about us. I apologize for the rant...and I'm so sorry to hear that you were hurt! I do hope that you find peace with this situation, and soon...for your sake.

Bethany said...

I vote B & C!! As long as you confront in a controlled manner, you will not be doing something unGodly. Is this person who gave you this something a friend? Or maybe was she a friend? I recently went to my friend about something that had hurt my feelings and she gave me a great quote--"Friends are worth fighting for" so even if this causes a temporary disagreement, it will still be worth spilling your heart to the person. I definitely think you should emphasize how much your feelings have been hurt and how hateful you believe it to be. I will pray for you and this situation. You must let us know how it turns out :)

Kristy said...

I am so sorry! I don't know what I would do... probably A, but only bc I am Queen of No Confrontation. BUT you should do B or C so that you don't bottle it up inside. I'll be praying for you, friend!

Brandy said...

Sweetheart, I am so sorry! I know the pain that you are feeling (even though I do not know what the "something" is). After 4+ years of learning to accept our fertility issues, and knowing that where God is leading us is down a path that has been continually "Wait" or "Not right now" I have learned how I best handle these delicate circumstances.

Even though God has a plan and it is unfortunate that you received this "Something", it is very important that you let this person know how much it hurt you. The important part is to do it in a "loving" way. I don't think very many people intentionally do hurtful things, so this person may just not have realized what they did.

I was not there, and do not know the entire situation. I know that through prayer and your trust in the Lord, you will find the appropriate answer to this situation. Praying for you!

Cathy said...

Talk to me, please! I don't know what you received but knowing where you were, I can only imagine...I'm here whenever you need me!

Laura Ann said...

Lianna ~ First of all, let me apologize on behalf of whoever did something to hurt you. I don't even know what to say and I can not imagine why anyone would be so insensitive when it comes to such a sensitive issue. I am truly sorry you had to even deal with something like this.


So, you know me...I personally would have to talk with this person whether it be in person or through a letter to let them know how bad they had hurt me if for no other reason, so it does not continue to occur. Surely this person is aware that what they did was wrong and if not they deserve to be told.

Please do not let whomever this is steal your joy. Continue to pray, ask God for guidance and most imporantly keep the faith!

Howard House of 5 said...

I think it all depends on the type of relationship you have with the person. If it's someone that you hardly see and your not very close to then I would choose A. If it's someone that you see on a regular basis and you have a relationship with then you should be able to speak truthfully and explain your feelings & emotions. If this person is a family member, they should know what they did and how they hurt you. Either way, God DOES have a plan for you. Sleep well..tomorrow is another day and a new perspective.

Kendra said...

I am sorry...I just don't know how to give advice properly on this without knowing more...I totally respect your desire to be vague, but I would just hate to advise you wrong!
I will just pray for wisdom!!!!!

Kelly said...

All I know is I am so very sorry anyone would do something to hurt you on such a hard day,
I'm thinking of you today.

Jennifer said...

Lianna~ i am so so sorry that this happend to you on such a difficult day. i'm not really sure what advise to give and i certainly don't want to give you the wrong advise. know that i am praying for you tonight and whatever decision you make will be what is best.

Kelly said...

I would go with option B. I know that it is hard to confront people but it is always best to be open and honest. This person may not have known how bad they have hurt your feelings and it is only fair to let them know. I will be praying for you and for this situtation.

Jenna said...

First of all, I'm very sorry that someone did somthing that hurt your feelings, especially on that of all days. I dont know what the "something" is but I'm guessing it must be tangible. All I can do is offer my experience. Someone said something incrediblly hurtful to me on mother's day 2 years ago (obviously very hurtful seeing as I can remember everything about the incident). It was something she knew she shouldnt have said, yet said it anyway. Even Chris was ticked off for me. I ended up not saying anything and it's ate at me for two years now. So my advice would be that if you can find a way to lovingly tell her how/why you are hurt, then do it, but only if it can be from a place of God's forgiving love. I couldn't do that so I didn't say anything and it's taken me a VERY long time to get over it. HTH. Hugs to you.

Jennifer said...

I don't know what to say! I can't even imagine what this something is, but I'm angry about it. Does that even make sense?!? I'm very non-confrontational, but I would go with option B. Good luck! And let us know more if you can...

Amanda said...

I don't know what to tell you, but I want to tell you I am so sorry and that I am praying for you!

Lori said...

I am so sorry to hear about this! I also had a horrible Mother's Day weekend. In my case it was someone I do not see that much, and I am not too close with. She is aware of my situtation, and I told her Happy Mother's Day, and she said the same to me but added "even if your not a mother yet". It is something so small but its just like the first comment said, it just reminds you of it, on a day that you do not want to think about it. I'm sure this is very minor to your something. But I did not say anything back, I just let it go. And in her defense she really meant well, I just do not want to be pitied, I want to be encouraged!! I really cannot give you to much advice on how to handle this, but I do know that if the comment would have been a lot worse and I knew the person very well, I would find it cause to tell them about the insensitivity behind the something. I will pray that the Lord will give you peace about what to do!

Stuart and Sarah Creamer said...

I am so sorry! I would vote for B. I do think if you do nothing, it will eat you up inside. Especially if those people know what you are going through, there was no reason to say something. I am so sorry you had to go through that. One day, we both will be super happy on Mother's Day when we have our babies in our arms. We might even have to meet up for an Infertility Mother's Day!

Anonymous said...

I would go with B, you need to get it off your chest and not leave it bottled up inside, if it was family member or a friend, both should completely understand what and why you are confronting them about this "something"

noahandlylasmommi said...

B or C. The only way people who have never dealt with infertility will ever understand the right and wrong things to say is if people who are experiencing it can tell them. I am sorry that you were hurt. I will be praying about the situation. (((hugs)))

Heather said...

I am so sorry that you are hurting and I know from personal experience how people can be insensitive and even hateful. I am not good at advice....but I am praying for you!

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