Confidence...

I would say that I am a pretty confident person.

I don't know what has changed, but I can remember as a child that I HATED to order my food in a restaurant. I was pretty shy growing up and dreaded our Sunday ritual of going out to lunch after church because my dad would make me order my own food. I know now that he was trying to teach us something, but then, it was like torture!

I also remember that I never wanted to eat in front of people for some reason (Lord knows I've gotten over that fear because I eat all the time, no matter who is watching)! I didn't want to eat at lunch during high school and I would NEVER eat if I was out on a date. Which only left me ravished when I got home.

I was always a leader in school too...especially when it involved dance, like on the dance teams I was on. I had NO problems directing the dance teams, teaching a routine, or making sure everyone was on task. But, if you put me in front of the class and had me do a presentation, I was terrified!

I'm not sure what happened over the years...but I've definitely overcome all those fears and feel pretty confident in each of those areas. I'm not shy about placing my order at a restaurant (even though I would prefer the hubby doing it for me...just because I think it's polite and what a husband should do). I already mentioned that I have no qualms with eating and I don't care WHO is watching :) And these days, I make presentations in front of  principals and district personnell all the time...and never skip a beat.

But one thing that I'm learning to be confident in, is God. I read this verse today...

"But blessed is the one who trusts in the LORD, whose confidence is in him.

They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7-8

The truth of the matter is, I have no confidence about this next IVF cycle we plan to go through. What if I don't get the answer that I have been waiting, hoping, and praying for? It literally scares me to the core! I have to repeatedly dig down deep in my soul and remember that even when things are not aligned with my heart's desires and everything is going wrong, I must trust that He has my best interest in mind. I can't take responsibility for holding my world in my hands...my hands aren't big enough for that.

Letting go of the control and realizing that I am inadequate to be responsible for what lies ahead IS confidence. Yet, it's one of the hardest things for me.

I pray that despite what is happening around me, inside of me, and to me, that the Lord is more than enough. I believe in His Word and His promises for me. And more importantly, I have confidence that NOTHING is impossible for Him.