We Love You More Than the World...

Thanks so much for all your suggestions about this blog. This journey has been one that I want to treasure FOREVER...the good, the bad, and everything in between. My plan is to check into the recommendations that were given and have this blog printed in book form for us to reflect on and share with our sweet baby when he/she is old enough to understand the journey we traveled to bring him/her into this world.

I changed our baby blog to public, so you can view it if you'd like to keep up with our pregnancy, plans for the baby, and everything God has planned for his/her life.

The name of our new blog is We Love You More Than the World. If you'd like to know why we chose that title, please start reading our baby blog from the beginning.

I'm not sure how often (or if) I'll keep making posts to this blog, so I hope you'll keep up with us on We Love You More Than the World as we turn the next chapter in Growing Our Own Garden.

Thoughts...

I'm trying to make a BIG decision about our Growing Our Own Garden blog. When we found out we were expecting, I created a private blog for our immediate family to watch the progress of Baby Knight, the growth of Mommy's belly, our plans for decorating the nursery. This means I have THREE blogs!!! I already have enough trouble keeping up with my original two blogs and now that school is getting ready to start and for the fact that my life is about to change in a HUGE way, I'm not sure I can keep up with three.

My dilemma is that Growing Our Own Garden has helped me through SOOOO much. I've shared heartache, struggles, triumphs, prayers, thoughts, etc on this little ole blog and I just can't stand the thought of not having it any longer. Not to mention all the FABULOUS blogger friends and support I've received too!

What are your thoughts? Should I switch over to our private blog? Should I have this blog printed out in book form (and if so, I'd love suggestions on companies you've used for this)? Should I just leave it for now and keep it active?

I'm not quite sure exactly what I should do, I just know that I definitely won't be able to keep up with all three blogs soon! Edit: After receiving a few comments, I realized I wasn't clear when talking about my private blog. I would definitely make my private blog public so everyone can share in our excitement, blessings, AND joy!

Our Pregnancy Story, Continued...

Sorry to keep you waiting on the rest of our pregnancy story. I'm really trying my best to balance work, family, our excitement over our miracle, AND blogging :)

So when I left off (on the last post), I had taken a ton of pregnancy tests and they were all coming back positive. We went in to get blood drawn to confirm our pregnancy and sure enough, my BETA was right on track. I specifically asked for another blood draw four days later to confirm that our baby was continuing to grow. To be honest, I requested a third one too...but who's counting :)

As if the two week wait wasn't long enough, the wait for our six week appointment was even worse. Unfortunately, we had not had a successful six week appointment yet. For our first pregnancy, the baby had stopped growing at five weeks and no heartbeat was detected. The second pregnancy, we didn't even make it to the six week appointment because I had a miscarriage. So as you can expect, we were on pins and needles for this appointment. The Sunday before our ultrasound, I came home from church and discovered that I had some spotting. I was devastated and called the on-call nurse. I'm a little embarrassed to share this, but I was absolutely TERRIBLE to the on-call nurse when she told me that spotting was normal and that she was sure that everything was fine. I gave her a lesson on our pregnancy history and demanded that I come in for an ultrasound the next day to make sure the baby was doing fine. There was NO WAY I could wait until Wednesday for our six week appointment. I kept my feet elevated and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the day and we went in for the ultrasound on Monday. The baby looked perfect and the doctor didn't see any more bleeding...Praise the Lord!! We kept our appointment that Wednesday and left feeling OVER THE TOP at seeing the little flicker of a heartbeat on the ultrasound screen.

At our fertility doctor, we had the privilege of having an ultrasound every week until 10 weeks. And let me tell you...each appointment got better and better and better. I thought my heart would EXPLODE with thankfulness when we saw our little baby moving around, hiccuping, wiggling, and kicking at our 10 week appointment. We brought along Jilly (my mom), Pops (my dad), and D-ma (David's mom) for that appointment and it was by far one of our favorite ultrasounds...the entire room was in tears that afternoon.

That 10 week appointment was also bittersweet...as it was our last appointment with the fertility doctors and nurses that we came to know and love. We had been through so much and they were there to hold our hands, give us advice, and encouraged us to keep trying. At the same time, we were so grateful to be taking the next step in our baby's life and moving on to our OB.

At our first OB appointment we were able to finally hear the baby's heartbeat...which was music to our ears. At each of our ultrasounds, we only saw the heartbeat, so to finally hear it was priceless.

Because of my age (39), my history with infertility, my diagnosis of APLS, my Crohn's disease, AND the two miscarriages...I'm considered a high risk pregnancy. So as expected, we will be seeing a high risk doctor along with our OB. We actually had our first appointment today and it went VERY well. We had, by far, the BEST ultrasound appointment and can't believe how big our baby has gotten. He/she is 13 weeks and 1 day and has the prettiest little profile I've ever seen!!

Just when I think that things couldn't get better, I'm overwhelmed with another positive ultrasound, result, or test.

 Praise be to God!!!

Our Pregnancy Story...

I can't even begin to thank you for all the sweet sweet comments and prayers from our last post. I started this blog in 2008 as a way to record our journey to parenthood. I had absolutely NO idea that it would take us six years to actually reach this point..it truly is all about the journey. I also had NO idea how many wonderful friends, prayer warriors, and encouragers I would meet because of this little ole blog. And I am thankful for each and everyone of you.


Before I share about how we got to this point, I want to share some fears I experienced with sharing our pregnancy...Announcing our pregnancy was a HUGE step for me. I literally prayed and prayed and prayed about how I would do it, when I would do it, and what I would say/write.

I had fear of posting too soon...which I realized was a sign of my lack of faith. Then I realized that I this pregnancy is not in my control...it's all in His hands. So all I could do was sit back, trust in His timing, and trust in His gift.

I also had fear of hurting those of you still waiting on your miracle. Far too mamy times I have been the woman reading posts or announcements from new mommies-to-be and SOBBING. Although I was so thrilled for these women to finally receive their blessing, it pained me to know that I was still in the waiting stage for our blessing. The thought of me putting someone else in that same situation REALLY upset me. But in the end, I prayed that our story, our pregancy, our baby would give hope to all of you women still waiting. My biggest advice...keep praying, keep trusting, and NEVER GIVE UP on what is in your heart.

Now, how did we get here?!?! Here is a shortened version of our pregnancy story. I need to pause for a minute and soak up those three words...OUR PREGNANCY STORY. I still can't believe that this dream is finally becoming a reality.

We did another round of IVF in May. This time though we supplemented our treatment with shots of Heparin. If you missed my post about my diagnosis from our hematologist, you can visit THIS POST to get caught up. So a week before our transfer, I started taking two Heparin shots a day. I took the rest of the medications and went in for our retrieval and was pleased with the number of quality eggs they were able to get. The eggs were fertilized and AGAIN we were over the moon with the number of embryos that we had. We were hoping for a day 5 transfer...since the last two times we received a positive pregnancy test, they were results from a 5 day transfer. Unfortunately, we received a call on day 3 that only three of our embryos had survivied and our doctor recommended that we implant THAT day. We were beyond nervous...not to mention that we had planned a Memorial Day party that SAME day...as we were expecting to have our transfer two days later (and since no one that was attending our party knew we were in the middle of a cycle, we had the party anyway). I went in early that morning for the transfer, came home and rested for a few hours, then hosted our party. I did let David do ALL the work and prayed all day that at least one of our embryos would stick. Like always, the two week wait was agonizing...but we had been through this drill four times before, so we knew to keep ourselves busy and the two week wait would fly by. I had read that the first day that the HCG hormone would enter your body would be on the eighth day after the transfer. So secretly I took a pregnancy test on the eighth day...and I saw a faint pink line that morning. I kept this to myself for the majority of the day. My parents were in town that week and David and my dad were out golfing. So I kept the BEST secret of my life to myself and waited until that evening to share with David. From that day on, we took a test every morning (to be honest, I took TWENTY-ONE tests total...one every morning for TWENTY-ONE days) and every single morning, the faint pink line became darker and darker and DARKER.

I know this post is already VERY long...so I will leave you here and continue our pregnancy story in the next post. Believe me, it was not an easy journey...but nothing worth waiting for ever really is. So stay tuned for the next chapter in our journey, you won't want to miss it.

Pray, Believe, and Receive...

David and I have some pretty special news to share today...

Enlarged in Waiting...

I came across this verse in a devotional and it DEFINITELY pulled at my heart strings.

"All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."~Romans 8:22-25

I know that this verse is referring to overcoming an obstacle and that we should look upward to the Lord and be confident in expectancy...knowing that He will come soon and heal our hearts, pains, and sufferings. And what a glorious day it will be! But for me, I also see the literal translation...waiting for a baby, a pregnancy, a blessing.

The last line in the verse just blows my mind...the longer the wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy.

I am so hopeful, confident, and in joyful expectancy of what the Lord has planned for us.

Not Yet...

I get several daily devotionals and sometimes I marvel at the perfect timing of some of them. Like the one I received today.

It's titled Not Yet, by Rick Warren.

This devotional revolved around the verse, "You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised. For, 'In just a very little while, he who is coming will come and will not delay.'" Hebrews 10:36-37

The devotional goes on to share that just because you haven't received the blessing(s) that you have prayed for, doesn't mean God is saying 'no', rather 'not yet.' Just because the answer hasn't come yet doesn't mean God isn't going to answer or that He's forgotten you or that He doesn't care about you. It just means 'not yet.'

But the best part of the devotional explained why this is happening:

"He does it so you can see how patient you are — so you know what's inside you and your level of commitment. God tests you so that you know He is faithful, even if the answers you seek are delayed.

If you're discouraged, turn it around by remembering God teaches you patience during delay. Ask Him to transform your discouragement into patience."

This devotional moved me TREMENDOUSLY this morning and I hope it does the same for all of you waiting for your answer to prayer.