Update...

It has been since BEFORE Christmas that I've posted on this blog. But I did want to give an update and let all my readers know where we are and what our next steps will be.

David and I went in last week for a follow up consult with our doctor. We were pleased to discover that he wanted to run more tests on us before we try again. I can't say enough good things about our doctor...not only does he have good bedside manner but he understands our pain, frustration, and hope...mainly because he and his wife have been in our shoes. So that always helps :)

Our doctor recommended that I have some blood drawn so he could run some tests. And he wasn't kidding about the number of tests he plans to run. I went to get my blood drawn and the nurse literally told me that I was having a half of a pint of blood drawn. My doctor ordered FOURTEEN tests to be run, so I had a lot of blood they needed to draw.

For the life of me, I can't find the list of tests that he is running, but when we go back to get the results, I will get the list and share with all of you. I just think it's important for anyone else going through this journey with us, to keep informed of all the tests out there that can be done. Some of the test are chromosomal tests and I know he is also going to check to see if I have a blood clotting disorder. But, like I said, I will share the list of tests once we have our next visit.

It is strange that I am HOPING we discover that I have one of these disorders...I guess to give me peace of mind that at least we know WHY we are finally able to get pregnant but unable to carry the baby to term.

Keep us in your prayers...we haven't given up, and we won't give up until we have our precious baby in our arms :)

Heavenly Prize...

The day after we received the news that our pregnancy would not be moving foward, I received this devotional/verse:

"No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking foward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God is calling us." Phillipians 3:13-14

My heart may be broken right now because my plan didn't come to fruition...but I must realize that it isn't MY plan. I have grown stronger, more sensitive to others, grateful for my blessings, and thankful for my family and friends because of this journey.

We will receive our heavenly prize...it's only a matter of time!

Almost a Christmas Miracle....

David and I had our frozen embryo transfer right after the Thanksgiving holiday. We were able to freeze two blastocysts from our previous cycle and since we had a positive pregnancy test during that cycle, we were hopeful that this time we would get our miracle...a Christmas Miracle.

The day of my pregnancy test, we decided to take a home pregnancy test. Actually we took one the night before (we have NO patience), but unfortunately, the test came back negative. We were devastated and really just couldn't believe we were getting a "no" again.

Although I didn't really want to, I went in and had my blood drawn anyway. I went to work and did everything and anything I could to pass the time. I left work early that day because I just couldn't take the phone call from the nurse telling me that we were not pregnant at school.

At around 2:30, the nurse called to let me know that my blood results came in and I tested POSITIVE for pregnancy. I couldn't believe my ears...we had received our Christmas Miracle after all!!

We discovered that my BETA levels were extremely low, which is why the home pregnancy test wasn't positive. The nurse stated that if my hormone levels continued to increase, we would chalk it up to late implantation. David and I bought a TON of pregnancy tests and even tested that same evening. We received a faint positive...put positive nonetheless.

We continued to test for the next four days...each day, the test was positive and each day the pregnancy line became darker and darker. Our prayers had finally been answered!

I went in four days later to have my blood drawn again. We were hoping that my BETA would be at least 100. We were blessed beyone measure when the nurse called with a 125 BETA. Praise the Lord!! All seemed well with the world...our hopes to celebrate Christmas this year with our own miracle baby was coming true.

After a little Christmas shopping this past Friday evening, I came home and realized that I was spotting. My nurse had already warned me that many women spot during pregnancy and some even bleed throughout their first trimester. I was scared, but hopeful that this was normal. I woke up on Saturday morning to more spotting. I ran a few errands, got my hair cut, and then came home. I immediately went to the restroom and discovered that my spotting had turned into bleeding. David called the on-call nurse and explained our situation. We were reassured that this could still me normal, but we would go in on Monday for another blood test. If my BETA numbers had continued to increase, we would have an ultrasound to confirm that everything was going as planned.

I went in yesterday for my blood test...it was the LONGEST day EVER!!! I finally received a call from the nurse that evening letting me know that although my BETA had increased, it was no where near what it should be for a week's time to have passed. My BETA should have been over a 1000 and was only 328. My heart was broken and our Christmas Miracle turned into an "almost" Christmas Miracle.

I woke up this morning with more bleeding and more cramping. I put in a call to my doctor's office to keep them informed. They are wanting to see me to rule out a tubal pregnancy.

Why? Why is this happening?

I am an emotional rollercoaster...dipping and diving, turning upside down, and I feel as if as soon as I get as high as I can, I come crashing down.

"Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'" Psalm 91:1-2

Verses for the Holidays...

As we approach the Christmas Holiday, I find that I am leaning more and more on these verses...

"Let us hope unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful." Hebrews 10:23

"The Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, nor His ear heavy, that it cannot hear." Isaiah 59:1

"I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continuously be in my mouth." Psalm 34

These are what I call my go-to verses. I have committed them to memory and call on them quite often. Of course as Christmas gets closer and closer, this wait seems harder and harder. 

I have seen God peform miracles lately...things that I never imagined in my wildest dreams could happen. I am continuing to pray that He hears my cries and will answer them sooner than later. 

This morning, as I was praying, I received this verse... 

"Don't be afraid! I bring you good news that will bring great joy to all the people." Luke 2:10

Regardless of my situation, I know that He is the reason for the season, and He will bring great joy to all His people.

Praying for SO many of you still waiting to be blessed with child.

Although and You Shall...

It has been SO long since I made a post on this blog. Life has just been busy and I realized how hard it is to keep up with TWO blogs. But I read the most AMAZING devotional this morning and really felt as if those of you reading this blog really needed to hear about it as much as I did.

The devotional was centered around the verse Judges 13:3, "And the angel of the Lord appeared to the woman and said 'Although you are barren, having born no children, you shall conceive and bear a son.'"

I nearly fell out of my chair when I read this verse...mainly because I feel as if we are at a standstill. For the matter, I feel as if we have been in this stage for a LONG time. I imagine myself like one of those cartoon characters that is running as fast it can, legs moving a hundred miles an hour, but not really even moving yet. I feel as if I am standing still and time is just passing me by. My goodness, we have been trying to become parents for six years now...SIX YEARS!

I want to be like Sarah, Hannah, or Elizabeth. God changed their lives dramatically when He blessed them with children. I am sure at one point they felt just like I do...that they were never going to be a mom, that they would be barren forever. But as I read this verse today, the three words that really stood out to me were ALTHOUGH and YOU SHALL. "Although you are barren, having born no children, you shall conceive and bear a son." God changed their situation and gave them the desires of their hearts.

These three words could change the world...Although the economy is really struggling, and people are trying to survive, you shall maintain and job and prosper. Although you are single, having longed for a spouse, you shall find the perfect partner and live happily ever after. Although you were diagnosed with cancer, and the prognosis is serious, you shall overcome the illness and survive.

I can think of a million scenarios where although and you shall could turn a dim situation into one of the brightest moments in life. So although at times I feel as if I will never be a mom, after countless procedures, surgeries, and medications, I shall prevail and see my dreams come to pass.

Praying this same prayer for so many of you still waiting to be moms.

I Turn to You...

I know it is has been FOREVER since I've posted on this blog. With the holidays approaching...Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas, I always find myself super busy. I did want to update everyone that we are getting ready to start our Frozen Embryo Transfer. I would appreciate prayers during this time...not only is an IVF cycle emotional already, but during the holidays, it could be VERY emotional.

I also wanted to share a song that I've been LOVING lately. The lyrics just seem to get me through these times...afterall,  all I can do is Turn to Him.

One Day...

David shared this video with me yesterday and I can TOTALLY foresee this in our future with Kodi...

I LOVE my husky and I can't wait to see him interacting with our baby one day :)