On the first night of my Bible Study (about 6 weeks ago), the ladies in my small group introduced themselves and gave us a little background on who they are, where they are from, details about their job, and if they were married/single, and/or had children.
I was caught off guard when I heard our small group leader say that her husband had left her many years ago and that she didn't want to get married again or have a man come into her life. It wasn't the part about her husband leaving her that surprised me, as I know many people that have gotten divorced or are separated. But the part about her NOT wanting to get married again or have a man come into her life, is what I thought was odd.
Her reasoning for feeling this way? She was afraid that a man/husband would take away from the time that God had in her life. She had grown so close to God through prayer, meditation, and love, that she didn't want anyone to replace those feelings. She shared with us that
He is Enough.
Her words just resonated with my soul and made me wonder how someone could feel
that close to God and be at so much peace after going through something as life-changing as having your husband leave you.
I want that closeness. I want that peacefulness.
I am reading
Angie Smith's book
I Will Carry You. If you don't read her blog, you should. If you don't know about her story, you should. She wrote the book about the birth, life, and death of her daughter, Audrey Caroline, and I just can't put it down. I have been reading it at night before I go to bed and last night I left off right before she gave birth to her baby girl. I woke up at midnight, unable to sleep because I wanted to know more about how Angie felt, how she got through something so unimaginable to me. So I picked the book up again, read about Audrey Caroline's birth, her short-lived but precious life with her family, and her peaceful death. I stayed awake until about 2:00 a.m. crying about the loss of this innocent baby. I wondered how Angie must have felt. How she could be strong during this time. She specifically quoted two Bible verses that she depended on, Philipians 4:7 (which happens to be the birthdate of Audrey Caroline, April 7) and Hebrews 4:16. And then Angie quoted those words again...
He is Enough.
And again, I had that feeling...
I want that closeness. I want that peacefulness.
In my heart, I know that
He is Enough. But letting go and giving up on what my mind wants, is the difficult part.
I am praying today (and from here forward) that I will become to know that closeness, that peacefulness and that I will know that feeling of
He is Enough.
